“Black Folks Be Knowin’”
This is the universal sign that the food is good without saying a word.
The head nod with eyes closed.
Name something people do when the food’s too hot but they don’t want to wait.
Open their mouth and start fanning the food.
Old school parents call every video game console this.
“The Nintendo.”
“This meeting won’t take long” usually means this.
It will absolutely take long.
You know you Black when you unplug this during a thunderstorm.
The TV.
Every Black household has at least of a hundred of these stored up.
Grocery Bags
Name something people hide before company comes over.
The laundry pile on the bed.
This is how old school parents wash out your mouth.
Soap.
“I’ll be there in five minutes” typically means this number of minutes.
Anywhere from 15 to 45.
You know you Black when you save these from Chinese takeout.
The soy sauce & duck sauce packets.
If somebody’s mama says “Don’t touch my thermostat,” she really means this.
Don’t breathe too hard in the house.
Name something you pretend not to hear when you’re relaxing.
Your name being called.
New school kids text; old school parents do this instead.
Call you 12 times back-to-back.
When someone says “We should hang out soon,” this is the probability it happens.
Near zero.
You know you Black when you reuse these at least 5 times.
Grocery bags.
This is the official sound everybody makes when sitting down after a long day.
Uuughhh” / “Oof.”
Name something people check 10 times before leaving the house.
The stove
An old school threat that meant business.
“Keep on… see what happens.”
“I’m on my way” is often said while the person is doing this.
Still getting dressed.
You know you Black when there’s always one of these at the family function — but nobody brought it.
A random folding chair.
When an auntie says “Who made this potato salad?” she’s really checking for this.
If she trusts who cooked it.
Name something people eat even though they know it will hurt their stomach.
Dairy / Ice cream.
New school kids want Starbucks; old school parents drank this.
Maxwell House or Folgers coffee.
“I’m not mad” is usually code for this.
They are very mad.
You know you Black when you’re about to leave but do this for 20 more minutes.
Stand at the door talking.