Types of Ignored Boundaries
"Everyone has to behave the exact same way! Individuality is not allowed, we have to be a unit."
Over Enmeshment
You just started messaging someone on Bumble. After exchanging messages for a couple days, they tell you they think they're in love with you and that nobody understands them like you.
Falling in love with a new acquaintance.
You work in a team where a colleague consistently delegates additional tasks to you, even though you’re already handling a full schedule of responsibilities. This additional work is causing you stress and affecting your ability to meet deadlines.
You might say, "I appreciate your trust in me, but I'm currently swamped with my own projects. Can we discuss redistributing some of these tasks or setting clear priorities?"
This term describes an overprotective or excessively controlling behavior, often stifling another person's independence or personal space in a relationship.
Smothering
Wild Card
The feeling when you completely zone out during a stressful moment. Sometimes, you might not even remember what happened.
Dissociation
You meet someone in line at a coffee shop. After exchanging a few words, they start telling you intimate details about their trauma history.
A friend often gives you advice about your career choices, relationship decisions, or personal life without being asked. This advice sometimes feels intrusive or judgmental, and you’d like to make your own decisions without feeling pressured.
"I value your concern, but I need to make these decisions on my own. I’ll reach out if I want advice or support."
This term refers to a condition where an individual's personal space, boundaries, or private information is continually exposed or invaded, often due to excessive surveillance, intrusive behavior, or lack of respect for confidentiality, leading to feelings of vulnerability and distress.
Lack of Privacy
You are passionate about pursuing a career in art, but your parents have always envisioned you becoming a lawyer. They frequently express their disappointment and suggest that you should follow a more traditional and financially secure path. Eventually, you decide to enroll in law school because you want to meet your parents’ expectations and avoid their disapproval.
Letting others direct your life.
Everyone is completely independent and there is very little emotional attachment.
Excessive Detachment
You're sharing your feelings about a stressful work project with a friend. The friend insists that you're overreacting and that you should just be more positive. They dismiss your concerns and tell you how you "should" view the situation.
Letting others describe your reality.
Imagine you are in a recovery program for an eating disorder and have been working hard to establish a healthier relationship with food. During a social gathering with friends, one of them makes a comment about a new diet trend they are following, and they begin discussing it enthusiastically, including numbers.
"I’m currently focusing on my recovery and trying to build a healthier mindset around food. Can we steer the conversation away from diet trends? I’d really appreciate your support in helping me stay on track."
This phrase describes a type of boundary-setting in relationships characterized by emotional detachment and a lack of warmth, often resulting in strained or superficial connections with others.
Cold and Distant
Imagine you are part of a community organization that relies on volunteers for various activities. You are passionate about the cause and want to contribute as much as possible. However, you start volunteering for every event and task, even those that extend well beyond your capacity.
You work long hours, take on additional responsibilities, and neglect your personal needs and commitments in order to be constantly available. While your intentions are admirable, you find yourself feeling exhausted and burned out, with little time left for self-care or maintaining a work-life balance.
Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving
This term refers to the state of perceiving oneself as the recipient of unjust treatment, often leading to a mindset that focuses on being wronged by others rather than taking responsibility for one's own actions.
Victimhood
You have a colleague who is known for being very helpful with project deadlines. You’re working on a complex task and assume that your colleague will notice your struggle and offer to help without you explicitly asking. When your colleague doesn’t offer assistance and you miss the deadline, you feel frustrated and upset.
Believing others can anticipate your needs.
A family member has a habit of entering your bedroom without knocking. This behavior makes you feel uncomfortable and invaded
"I need my personal space to be respected. Please knock before entering my room, as it helps me feel more comfortable and secure."
This term refers to a reserved or withdrawn approach to setting boundaries, often manifesting as reluctance to engage closely with others, which can be mistaken for disinterest or emotional distance.
Aloofness or shyness
You’re dealing with a challenging period in your life, such as a stressful job situation or personal crisis. Instead of seeking support through open communication or professional help, you intentionally let yourself become emotionally overwhelmed, displaying signs of distress like crying frequently or acting helpless in front of your partner or family members.
You hope that by showing how much you’re struggling, others will step in to take care of you, offering comfort, assistance, or attention.
Falling apart so someone will take care of you
This phrase describes someone who is easily angered or feels the need to prove themselves, often due to a perceived grievance or sense of inferiority.
Chip on the Shoulder
You strongly value honesty and transparency in your work. Your boss asks you to cover up a mistake made by a colleague, insisting that it’s crucial for the team’s reputation. You agree to go along with the cover-up to avoid conflict and maintain a good relationship with your boss.
Going against personal values or rights to please others.
A relative or close friend frequently asks to borrow money for various expenses, putting you in an awkward position and straining your finances.
"I’m currently managing my own budget and am unable to lend money right now. However, I’m happy to help you brainstorm other ways to address your financial needs."
This term describes a boundary style where an individual feels unseen or overlooked, often due to an inability or unwillingness to assert their needs, leading to a sense of being invisible in relationships.
Invisibility
You have a close friend who frequently overshares personal information about you with others, such as intimate details about your relationships or financial issues, without your permission. During a group conversation, you notice that your friend continues to divulge sensitive information about you, but you don’t address it or mention how it makes you uncomfortable.
Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.