Types of Boundaries
Boundaries around your body, touch, and personal space
What are physical boundaries?
When boundaries are too intense, keep others at a distance, including not asking for help and seeming detached. Often related to trying to avoid rejection.
What are rigid boundaries?
If I am having a trouble with this issue, I do what others want me to do and ignore my own beliefs and what is important to me.
What is a values issue?
An element of trust that means you own your own mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
What is accountability?
"I don't know how to feel about something until I talk to my family or friends about it and see how they react."
What is an unhealthy emotional boundary?
Boundaries around how you prioritize what you do every day, what activities you engage in, how long you do something
What are time boundaries?
When boundaries are too loose, including oversharing information, difficulty saying no, dependent on the opinion of others, accepting poor treatment from others
What are porous boundaries?
If I am having trouble with this issue, I tell other people's secrets and personal information so that the person in front of me will like me better.
What is gossip or a vault issue?
An element of trust that means you do what you will say you do, avoid committing to things that are outside your control or ability, and balance competing priorities so that your commitments are fulfilled.
What is reliability?
"It is okay to spend time by myself without having to explain myself to anyone or apologize."
What is a healthy time boundary?
Boundaries that relate to your thoughts and ideas, and the thoughts and ideas of others
What are intellectual boundaries?
A word describing porous boundaries in which everyone is required to feel, think, and act the same way, and your emotions are dependent on the emotions of others and vice versa
What is enmeshment/over-enmeshment?
If I am having trouble with this issue, I don't let anyone in, ask for help, or accept kindness and support from others.
What is an issue with rigid boundaries/walls?
An element of trust that means you don't share information or experiences that are not yours to share. You keep confidences and avoid gossip.
What is "vault"?
"If someone else uses my stuff without asking, I don't say anything about it even though it bothers me."
Boundaries around the things you own, your home, and sharing
What are material boundaries?
Blanking out during a stressful event, often because your boundaries have been violated or you don't know how to hold boundaries when you need them.
What is disassociation?
If I am having trouble with this issue, I am often late, make others wait for me, or do things that others want me to do even if I am busy.
What are time boundary issues?
An element of trust that is also a DBT mindfulness skill, this means that each person can express themselves and ask for what they need without fearing the other person will condemn them, find fault, or treat them badly.
"It is okay if others don't agree with me. I don't have to convince them I'm right or change my mind."
What is a healthy intellectual boundary?
Boundaries around what you are comfortable sharing about your internal world, taking time to yourself, listening and supporting others
What are emotional boundaries?
Values that we hold and act on because we are scared of what will happen if we don't (the opposite of healthy values we hold because they are important to us)
What are fear-based values?
If I am having trouble in this area, I let others dictate the physical intimacy and touch in our relationship and do what they want even if I am uncomfortable.
What are sexual boundary issues?
An element of trust that means you choose courage over comfort, choose what is right over what is easy/fun/fast, and actually live out your values.
What is integrity?
"If someone asks me a personal question, it is rude not to answer it, even if I am uncomfortable."
What is an unhealthy emotional boundary?