Porous, Rigid, or Healthy?
You cancel all your own plans to be available for a friend going through a breakup.
What is porous?
A friend uses your deodorant without asking.
What is material/physical?
Your mom keeps calling while you’re in therapy.
I feel distracted and less present when the phone rings during my therapy hour. I need uninterrupted time to focus on my session. Can we plan to talk right after I’m done instead?
“If I set boundaries, people will think I’m selfish.”
What is FALSE. Boundaries protect your energy; they’re an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
In Finding Nemo, Marlin constantly controls Nemo out of fear. Nemo disobeys to gain autonomy.
Who is Nemo's autonomy?
Emotional/Physical.
“I feel scared when you’re in danger, but I want to learn to trust you. Can we talk about what feels safe to both of us?”
You say, “I care about you, and I need time to process this before we talk again.”
What is healthy?
Your sibling shares your private mental health history with your aunt.
What is emotional?
A classmate insists on borrowing your charger without asking.
I feel frustrated when my charger is taken without asking. I need you to check with me first so I know I won’t need it. Can we agree to ask each other before borrowing?
“If someone respects you, they’ll automatically know your boundaries.”
What is FALSE? People aren’t mind readers. Respect includes being open to hearing your needs—not guessing them.
In Mean Girls, Regina gives Cady a bracelet, then gossips behind her back. Cady still tries to earn her approval.
Who is Cady's emotional safety?
Emotional.
“I feel hurt when people act like friends but talk badly behind my back. I need honesty. Can we clear the air or take space?”
You avoid giving any emotional response to people because you don’t want to appear weak.
What is rigid?
Your coworker interrupts your lunch break every day to vent.
What is time/physical?
A partner makes jokes that make you feel disrespected.
I feel hurt and disrespected when you joke about me that way. I need our humor to feel safe and supportive. Can we find jokes that don’t put me down?
“Avoiding people is the same as setting a boundary.”
What is FALSE? Avoidance is often a defense. Boundaries require communication, even if it’s uncomfortable.
In The Last of Us, Joel lies to Ellie about what happened at the hospital “to protect her.”
Who is Ellie's right to truth?
Emotional.
“I feel protective of you, but I also want to respect your right to know the truth. Can we talk through this together?”
You let someone you just met hug you goodbye even though it makes you uncomfortable.
What is porous?
Your roommate borrows $40 and never mentions it again.
What is material?
A friend asks you to cancel your plans to help them move… again.
I feel overwhelmed when I’m asked to cancel my plans to help move again. I need to honor the commitments I already made. Can we find another way I can support you, like helping unpack later
DAILY DOUBLE
Describe a real-life situation where you practiced a healthy boundary—or wish you had. What did it sound like? What were the results?
You did great!!!
In Inside Out, Joy keeps trying to suppress Sadness, believing her emotions are “too much.”
Who is Sadness?
Emotional.
“I feel anxious when Sadness shows up, but I realize she’s trying to help. Can we listen to what she’s telling us?”
You ghost someone for texting you too much instead of telling them it’s overwhelming.
What is rigid?
You feel unsafe around someone but don’t want to offend them by leaving the room.
What is physical/emotional?
A coworker comments on your weight “as a compliment.”
I feel uncomfortable when my body is commented on at work. I need our conversations to stay professional. Can we keep feedback focused on work-related topics instead?
“You can love someone and still say no to them.”
What is TRUE? Saying “no” is often an act of love—for yourself and the relationship. Love without boundaries becomes self-erasure.
In Everything Everywhere All At Once, Evelyn pushes her daughter Joy to fit her cultural and life expectations, leading to alienation.
Who is Joy's autonomy & identity?
Emotional/Intellectual
“I love you and want the best for you. I need to accept that your path may not look like mine. Can we try understanding each other better?”