Boundary Basics
What is a boundary?
A limit that an individual sets to protect their personal space, well-being, and sense of self.
What is consent?
A voluntary, informed, and clear agreement to engage in a specific activity.
What are examples of a healthy and unhealthy behavior in a romantic/friendship relationship?
Healthy: Encouraging your partner to reach their goals
Unhealthy: Encouraging your partner to break the rules at school/home that they normally wouldn't
What is the definition of "substance misuse?"
The use of illegal drugs or the inappropriate use of legal substances.
A new person at school is asking a lot of personal questions about your family and home life, even though you've just met. You state that you don't feel comfortable sharing additional information, but they keep asking questions.
What boundary is being crossed?
You stated you didn't want to share anymore information but feel pressured to do so anyways due to the continuation of asking.
What could emotional boundaries look like?
Stating when you don't have the brain space for someone's venting; expressing your emotions despite how the other person may react
What is the best way a 'yes' should be given when asking for consent?
Enthusiastically!
Sometimes it can be easier to see healthy and unhealthy behaviors in others' relationships vs our own. Why is that?
Being outside the relationship allows for a more objective perspective, while biases and emotional investment can cloud judgement within one's own relationship.
How do boundaries relate to substance misuse?
People set boundaries with themselves and others on their comfortability on doing or engaging in substances. The law also has rules regarding substance use/misuse for minors.
You express to your siblings that you don't like it when things go missing in your bedroom. A few weeks later, you notice that you are missing your favorite jacket.
What boundary got crossed?
You told your siblings that you don't like your items being moved/missing and one of them did it anyways.
Give an example of a healthy and unhealthy boundary
Up to interpretation
How do consent and boundaries relate to one another?
To respect someone's boundaries, you must seek their clear and enthusiastic agreement before engaging in any activity that might affect those boundaries.
What is an example of a boundary you may have with a friend?
I am here for you, but after 1am, my phone is on DnD and I am sleeping unless there's an emergency.
If a friend offers you a substance, you say no, and they continue to offer it to you. What is happening?
They are crossing the boundary that you made regarding your willingness to engage in substances.
A teen is at a party where alcohol is being consumed. A friend pressures them to take a drink, saying, "come on, everyone else is doing it. It's just one drink."
What is the boundary that is being crossed?
The teen is being pressured after likely stating 'no' to their friend previously.
What is the difference between boundaries and rules?
Boundaries are personal limits that define what is acceptable to oneself. Rules are guidelines or regulations that govern group behavior.
Consent isn't only for physical boundaries. What other types of boundaries could it be for and give an example
Emotional: "Hey, do you have the mental capacity for me to talk about something difficult right now"
Intellectual: "I don't agree with that point of view, but I understand where you are coming from and I need you to do the same for me"
Material: Being generous without over-giving or creating codependency
Time: Devoting enough times to the things that are important to you
What is an example of a healthy boundary in a romantic relationship?
Understanding that your partner is allowed to have friends regardless of their gender identity.
How can substance misuse/abuse impact your relationships?
Can cause a change in priorities and behaviors, can cause withdrawal and isolation, loss of connection to others, and a shift in friend groups due to boundaries and comfortability people have with substances.
A partner asks for you to hang out at 10pm. Your parents are already asleep and you didn't tell them you would be leaving for the night. Despite your expressed hesitancy, your partner continues to beg.
What boundary is being crossed here?
The partner is pushing the boundary of you not being comfortable leaving your house without letting your parents know.
What are the 3 levels of boundaries?
*Hint* Not physical, emotional, time, or electronic
Porous, healthy, and rigid
What happens when there is a relationship (romantic or platonic) that has no boundaries?
It can foster an environment for codependency
What is an example of a way to clearly communicate a boundary?
"I feel hurt when you do not respond to my texts/calls for days. Can we talk about what it could look like so that we both are comfortable with the level of communication?"
Saying 'no' isn't always easy. What other ways can you say 'no' to drugs?
"I have to be up early for ________"
"I can't, my parents are super strict about that stuff"
"I drove here and have to drive home, I can't lose my license"
Your friend group knows that you struggle with your self-image. One day, when people are making jokes, someone references the way that you look in a negative way.
What boundary is being crossed?
A friend making a comment about your body despite you previously telling them that you struggle with how you view yourself.