BOUNDARY BASICS
A boundary is a limit that communicates what you are willing and unwilling to ______.
What is accept?
Someone asks you to do something and you don't want to. What is one simple word you can use?
What is "No"?
Your friend calls you every night to vent for an hour. You're exhausted.
What type of boundary might be needed?
What is a time/emotional boundary?
Your coworker asks you to complete their work because they "don't have time."
You already have your own workload.
What could you say?
Answers may vary.
Example:
"I don't have the capacity to take that on right now."
Someone asks:
"Can you do me a quick favor?"
You don't know what they need yet.
What could you say before automatically agreeing?
What is "What do you need?"
True or False:
You have to give someone a detailed explanation every time you say no.
What is false?
Complete this statement:
"I appreciate you asking, but ______."
Answers may vary.
Examples:
Your parent asks an extremely personal question that you don't want to answer.
Give one possible response.
Answers will vary.
Example:
"I'm not comfortable talking about that."
Your boss sends you work-related messages late at night.
What type of boundary might you consider?
What is a work/time boundary?
Someone asks you for something and you need time to think about it.
Give one response you could use.
Answers may vary.
Examples:
"Let me think about it and get back to you."
"I need some time before I can give you an answer."
Which is generally more assertive?
A. "Fine, I'll do it. I don't want you to be mad."
B. "I'm not able to do that."
C. "You always ask me to do things!"
What is B?
Your friend asks you to lend them money. You don't want to. Give an assertive response.
Answers may vary.
"I'm not able to lend you money. I hope you understand"
Your friend expects you to respond to their texts immediately.
What could you communicate?
Answers may vary.
Example:
"I may not always respond right away, but I'll get back to you when I can."
Someone repeatedly asks you to change your plans to accommodate them.
What is one question you can ask yourself before saying yes?
Answers may vary.
Examples:
"Do I actually want to do this?"
"Do I have the capacity?"
"Am I saying yes because I want to or because I feel guilty?"
Someone becomes angry after you say no.
Practice staying calm while maintaining your boundary.
Answers will vary.
Example:
"I understand you're upset, but my answer is still no."
Someone becomes upset after you set a reasonable boundary. Does their reaction automatically mean your boundary was wrong?
What is no?
Someone keeps asking after you've already said no.
What is one thing you can do instead of repeatedly defending your decision?
What is calmly repeat the boundary?
A family member frequently makes comments about your appearance.
You've told them you don't appreciate the comments, but they continue.
What could you say?
Answers will vary.
Example:
"I've already asked you not to comment on my appearance. If it continues, I'm going to end the conversation."
You agree to something and later realize it doesn't work for you.
Do you have to keep the commitment simply because you originally said yes?
What is not necessarily?
A person says:
"If you really cared about me, you would do this."
What manipulation tactic might be happening, and how could you respond?
What is guilt-tripping/emotional pressure?
Possible response:
"Caring about you doesn't mean I have to agree to everything you ask."
Name two signs that you may need a boundary in a relationship.
Answers may vary.
Examples:
PRACTICE:
Your family member says:
"You're always helping everybody else. Why can't you help me?"
You don't have the time or energy to help.
Give an assertive response without over-explaining yourself.
Answers will vary.
Example:
"I understand you're disappointed, but I'm not able to help with this."
PRACTICE:
A friend asks you to cancel your plans so you can help them with something that isn't an emergency.
You already have plans and don't want to cancel.
Practice saying no while remaining respectful.
Answers will vary.
PRACTICE:
A coworker says:
"Can you just stay late tonight? You don't have anything important going on anyway."
You do not want to stay late.
Practice an assertive response.
Answers will vary.
A person you care about repeatedly crosses a boundary you've already communicated.
They say:
"You're being dramatic. It's not that serious."
You have 30 seconds to practice responding.
Your response should:
Answers will vary.
Example:
"I've already told you I'm not comfortable with that. I'm not going to continue this conversation if it keeps happening."