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No matter how little or how much you use me, you change me every month. What am I?
A calendar
What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Short
A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays for two nights, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
His horses name is friday
A man pushes his car to a hotel and tells the owner he’s bankrupt. Why?
He's playing monopoly
Paul’s height is six feet, he’s an assistant at a butcher’s shop, and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
A red house is made from red bricks. A blue house is made from blue bricks. A yellow house is made from yellow bricks. What is a greenhouse made from?
Glass!
A man who shaves many times a day but still has a long beard, how is this?
He's a barber
What begins and ends with an E but only has one letter?
An envelope
A man stands on one side of a river, his dog on the other. The man calls his dog, who immediately crosses the river without getting wet and without using a bridge or a boat. How did the dog do it?
The river was frozen
What fastens two people yet touches only one?
A wedding ring
You're escaping a labyrinth, and there are three exits. Exit A leads to an inferno. Exit B leads to an assassin. Exit C leads to a lion that hasn't eaten in 3 years. Which exit do you pick?
Exit C. If a lion hasn't eaten in 3 years, it has definitely starved to death.
A man is taking a walk when it starts to rain. He's not wearing a hat, and he doesn't have an umbrella, or anything else to cover his head. How does he manage to not get a single hair wet?
He is bald
What building has the most stories?
A library
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Michael J. Fox has a short one. Madonna does not use hers. Bill Clinton always uses his. The Pope never uses his. What is it?
Their last name
You are running in a race. You overtake the person in second place. Where are you coming in the race now?
Second
What can you put in a bucket to make it weigh less?
A hole
What is unusual about the following words: revive, banana, grammar, voodoo, assess, potato, dresser, uneven?
If you put the first letter of each word at the end instead, it will spell the same word backward.
Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How is this possible?
They are grandfather, father, and son.
Your parents have six sons including you and each son has one sister. How many people are in the family?
Nine—two parents, six sons, and one daughter.
A man was driving a black car. His lights were off. The moon shown no light. A cat was in the middle of the road. How did he know to stop?
What has a lot of teeth but can't bite?
A comb
What is yours, but everyone else you know uses it?
Your name
What runs though cities and towns, forest and fields, but never moves?
I am the beginning of sorrow and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.
The letter S
What has a head but no brain?
Lettuce