What Gets In The Way?
These thoughts make you WORRY about bad consequences, whether you deserve to get what you want, or being ineffective and calling yourself names.
"They won't like me; He'll break up with me"
"I'm such a bad person, I don't deserve this"
"I won't do it right; I'm too weird"
what are WORRY THOUGHTS
Be nice and respectful. Don't attack or cast judgements. Be aware of your tone of voice. The first word of the acronym 'GIVE'.
what is (be) GENTLE
Pay attention to events, emotions, and thoughts. Try not to terminate them when they are painful. Try not to prolong them when they are pleasant. Allow yourself to experience with awareness.
what is OBSERVE
The opposite of multi-tasking. Helps us to slow down and become more present.
what is ONE MINDFUL or ONE THING IN THE MOMENT
You have the skills, but things like anger, fear, shame, and sadness make you unable to do or say what you want. EMOTION mind, instead of skills, controls what you say or do.
Show that you're listening to what the other person is saying. Don't interrupt or talk over them. Be mindful of your facial expressions and make good eye contact (if appropriate). The second word of the acronym 'GIVE'.
what is (act) INTERESTED
Label emotions, identify thoughts, stick to the facts. Try not to take emotions and thoughts as the exact facts of an event.
what is DESCRIBE
Focusing on the outcome you want and how the best way to get there. The opposite of trying really hard to be "right" and getting stuck.
what is DO WHAT WORKS or EFFECTIVE
You actually DON'T KNOW what to say or how to act
what are LACK OF SKILLS
Show that you understand the other person's feelings and opinion. Be non-judgmental out loud. The third word of the acronym 'GIVE'.
"I can see why you would feel that way, and..."
"I realize this is really hard."
"I see you're really busy, and..."
"That must have felt..."
what is VALIDATE
Enter completely into the activity in the moment. Be spontaneous and give full attention.
what is PARTICIPATE
Things don't have to be either "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong". Being effective by just focusing on the consequences of behavior, not others our ourselves. Accepting whatever is happening just as it is.
what is NON-JUDGEMENTAL
Not knowing what you want; asking too much vs not asking for anything; saying "no" to everything vs giving in to everything.
what is CAN'T DECIDE
Use humor and non-threatening body language. Leave your attitude at the door. Be chill. The fourth word of the acronym 'GIVE'.
what is USE AN EASY MANNER
Practice - describe just the facts of something small enough to fit in the palm of your hand.
Answers may vary :)
Practice (non-judgmental) - state 3 neutral things about yourself (i.e not "good" or "bad").
Answers may vary :)
In some setting, other people are too powerful (sometimes despite your best efforts); other people may have some reason for not liking you if you get what you want; other people won't give you what you need unless you sacrifice your self-respect
what is THE ENVIRONMENT
A question we should ask ourselves when we want to keep or maintain a healthy relationship. For example, if I care about the person or the person has authority over me, act in a way that keeps the person respecting and liking me.
what is HOW DO I WANT THE OTHER PERSON TO FEEL ABOUT ME
Practice - observe one thought or one feeling you're having in the present moment.
"I'm noticing the thought that..."
"I'm experiencing the feeling of..."
Answers may vary :)
Practice (one thing in the moment/non-judgmental) - mindfully demonstrate your go to dance move
Nice moves!