DBT Distress-Tolerance Skills
What DBT skill encourages you to stop, step back, observe, and proceed mindfully?
STOP.
True or false: Healthy relationships allow both people to have different opinions.
True.
Which attachment style is generally comfortable with closeness and independence?
Secure Attachment
What is one healthy first step when a conflict becomes emotionally intense?
Pause, take space, lower your voice, breathe, or use a coping skill.
What does it mean to take ownership of your behavior?
Acknowledging what you did and accepting responsibility for the impact.
Is trust usually built through one large action or many small consistent actions?
Many small consistent actions.
A friend has not responded to your message, and you assume they no longer like you. What DBT skill could help?
Check the Facts.
Scenario During a disagreement, your friend raises their voice and accuses you of not caring about them. You feel rejected and begin shutting down. Later, you realize you ignored their messages for several days without explaining why. Both of you want to repair the relationship but are unsure how to move forward.
Identify:
Shutting down may reflect an avoidant attachment response, while the friend’s fear that you do not care may reflect an anxious attachment response. Both people could use STOP, Check the Facts, paced breathing, or GIVE. You could take accountability by acknowledging that ignoring the messages without communicating may have caused hurt. The conflict could be managed through calm discussion, validation, and “I” statements. Trust could be rebuilt through honest communication, consistency, follow-through, and respecting each other’s boundaries.
Name one of the five senses that can be used for self-soothing.
Sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch.
What is one sign that someone respects your boundaries?
They listen when you say no, give you space, and do not pressure or punish you.
Which attachment style may include fear of rejection, reassurance-seeking, and worry that others will leave?
Anxious Attachment
True or false: Taking a break during conflict means you are avoiding the problem.
False, as long as you return to the conversation when regulated.
Which response shows more accountability: “You made me yell” or “I was angry, but yelling was my choice”?
“I was angry, but yelling was my choice.”
Name one behavior that can damage trust.
Lying, breaking promises, sharing private information, manipulation, inconsistency, or ignoring boundaries.
You want reassurance from a friend, but they are busy. What is one healthy way to respond?
Self-soothe, use coping skills, communicate calmly, or reach out to another support.
What does one of the “P” in TIPP stand for?
Paced breathing or paired muscle relaxation.
Name two qualities that help relationships feel emotionally safe.
Respect, honesty, consistency, kindness, trust, support, communication, or accountability.
Which attachment style may include avoiding emotional closeness or pulling away when relationships feel intense?
Avoidant attachment.
What type of statement focuses on your feelings and needs instead of blaming the other person?
An “I” statement.
What should come after a sincere apology?
An effort to repair the harm and change the behavior.
What does reliability mean in a relationship?
Following through, being consistent, and doing what you said you would do.
During an argument, you notice yourself shutting down and refusing to speak. What attachment pattern might this resemble?
Avoidant behavior or emotional withdrawal.
You are too emotionally overwhelmed to solve a problem right away. What should you focus on first?
Getting through the moment safely and regulating before problem-solving.
What is the difference between a healthy request and a demand?
A request allows the other person to say no. A demand uses pressure, threats, guilt, or punishment.
Which attachment style may involve wanting closeness while also fearing or rejecting it?
Fearful-avoidant or disorganized attachment.
Give an example of an “I” statement during conflict.
“I feel hurt when I am interrupted, and I need a chance to finish speaking.”
Why is blaming others harmful during conflict?
It prevents learning, repair, and responsibility for personal choices.
Can trust be rebuilt immediately after an apology?
Usually not. Trust is rebuilt through time, accountability, consistency, and changed behavior.
A peer apologizes but repeatedly continues the same hurtful behavior. What should you look at?
Their pattern of behavior and whether they are making meaningful changes.
A peer says something hurtful, and you feel like throwing something. Name three skills you could use before responding.
STOP, TIPP, grounding, paced breathing, taking space, self-soothing, ACCEPTS, or asking for support.
A friend becomes upset whenever you spend time with someone else. What healthy relationship skill may be needed?
Boundaries, open communication, managing jealousy, and respecting independence.
True or false: Attachment styles can never change.
False. People can develop healthier and more secure relationship patterns through safe relationships, awareness, and practice.
Two people keep interrupting each other and raising their voices. Name three changes that could make the conversation healthier.
Take turns, lower voices, validate, use “I” statements, take a break, listen, or involve a supportive adult.
You shared a peer’s private information because you were angry. Give a fully accountable response.
“I shared something private because I was angry, but that was not okay. I broke your trust. I am sorry, and I will not share your personal information again.”
Name four actions that can help rebuild trust after it has been broken.
Honest communication, accountability, respecting boundaries, consistency, patience, repairing harm, and following through.
You become afraid someone will leave after a small disagreement and begin repeatedly calling them. Name two healthier responses.
Use STOP, Check the Facts, self-soothe, give the person space, communicate once calmly, or seek support.
You are feeling rejected, your body is tense, and you want to send several angry messages. Create a three-step plan using DBT skills before responding.
Use STOP to pause, use TIPP or paced breathing to regulate the body, and Check the Facts before deciding whether and how to respond.
A friend respects you in private but embarrasses you in front of others and later says they were joking. What concerns are present, and what would a healthy response look like?
The concerns include disrespect, minimizing harm, and possible boundary violations. A healthy response would include clearly naming the behavior, setting a boundary, and watching whether the person takes accountability and changes.
A person wants closeness but becomes suspicious, pushes others away, and then feels upset when they leave. What attachment pattern may this reflect, and what could help?
This may reflect a fearful-avoidant or disorganized attachment pattern. Helpful responses include building awareness, communicating needs, using grounding skills, tolerating safe closeness, and practicing trust gradually.
Two people are both emotionally escalated and continue repeating the same arguments. What steps should they take to keep the conflict from becoming harmful?
Pause the conversation, regulate separately, agree on a time to return, use “I” statements, listen without interrupting, validate each other, and focus on one problem at a time.
What are the five parts of taking full accountability after hurting someone?
Name the behavior, acknowledge the impact, accept responsibility without excuses, make a sincere apology, and demonstrate changed behavior or repair.
Someone has apologized for breaking your trust, but you are not ready to trust them again. What is a healthy way for both people to move forward?
The person who caused harm should respect the need for time, maintain honesty, follow boundaries, and show consistent change. The hurt person can communicate what they need, set limits, and rebuild trust gradually without feeling pressured.
A friend becomes jealous when you spend time with others, sends repeated messages, and accuses you of abandoning them. Identify one attachment concern, one unhealthy behavior, and three healthy responses.
The attachment concern may be anxious attachment or fear of abandonment. The unhealthy behaviors include repeated messaging, accusations, or controlling behavior. Healthy responses include Check the Facts, self-soothing, respectful communication, giving space, setting boundaries, and seeking support.