THINKING ERRORS & TRICKS WE PLAY
What is it called when you tell only part of the story or leave out important information to make yourself look better?
Deceiving (or Lying)
What does it mean when we say "What lies beneath" your anger?
The real feelings hiding under anger; like shame, hurt, fear, or rejection
Name the 3 main communication styles.
Any of 3: Passive, Aggressive, Assertive, and passive aggressive
Name 3 types of trauma.
Any 3 of: childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, community violence, loss/grief, accidents, medical trauma, sexual assault, witnessing violence, betrayal, disaster, incarceration, racism/discrimination, poverty/homelessness
Name 3 DBT coping skills you can use when you're upset.
Any 3 of: deep breathing, ice on face, intense exercise, walking away, talking to someone, grounding (5-4-3-2-1), hitting a pillow, drawing, writing, music, push-ups, pros and cons, opposite action, WISE mind, half smile willing hands, radical acceptance and more...
What thinking error are you using when you say "It's not my fault, he started it" or blame someone else for what you did?
Blaming
What is the difference between guilt and shame?
Guilt = "I did a bad thing." Shame = "I AM bad."
What are the "Four Horsemen" that predict relationship breakdown?
Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
What are "triggers"?
Things that set off strong emotional reactions because they remind you of past trauma; like being disrespected, feeling powerless, or certain people/places.
What is a "protective factor"?
Something that DECREASES your chance of getting in trouble again and INCREASES your ability to stay safe and successful. Examples: supportive family, job, self-awareness, willingness to learn.
Name 3 of the 9 thinking errors.
Any 3 of: Deceiving, Downplaying, Avoiding/Confusion, Blaming, Making Excuses, Jumping to Conclusions, Acting Helpless, Overreacting, Feeling Special
What is the "Window of Tolerance"?
The zone where you feel safe, can think clearly, and control your emotions. When you're inside it, you're regulated. When you're outside it, you're either too activated (hyperaroused) or too shut down (hypoaroused).
What is empathy?
Understanding what someone else is feeling and why, and feeling WITH them. It's putting yourself in their shoes.
Name 3 trauma reactions; one behavioral, one emotional, and one physical.
Behavioral = aggression, withdrawal, self-harm, substance use. Emotional = anxiety, depression, anger, shame, numbness. Physical = nightmares, sleep problems, flashbacks, racing heart, being jumpy.
What are the first 3 steps of problem-solving?
1) Define the problem clearly, 2) Identify your goal (what you want to happen), 3) Brainstorm solutions (list options without judging them yet)
What thinking error is this: "I hit him, but it wasn't that bad. Lots of people get hit worse"?
Downplaying (or Minimizing)
Give an example of being "hyperaroused" and an example of being "hypoaroused."
Hyperaroused = angry, panicked, racing thoughts, aggressive. Hypoaroused = numb, disconnected, depressed, can't think.
What is a boundary?
A limit or rule you set about what you will and won't accept from others. It protects your body, time, feelings, and peace.
What is "hypervigilance"?
Being overly alert or always scanning for danger. It's a trauma reaction where you can't relax because you're constantly watching for threats.
What should you do if you try a solution to your problem and it doesn't work?
Go back to your list of brainstormed solutions, pick the next best option, and try that. Then evaluate if that one works. Keep trying different solutions until you find one that works.
What is the difference between rational thinking and irrational thinking?
Rational thinking is based on facts and logic. Irrational thinking is based on assumptions, fears, or distortions—and it jumps to conclusions without evidence.
Why is saying "I'm good" not good enough when someone asks how you're feeling?
It's too vague. It shuts down conversation, hides your real feelings, prevents connection, and stops you from getting help. You should name the actual feeling (like nervous, angry, or grateful).
What does "perspective-taking" mean, and why does it matter?
Trying to understand how another person sees a situation; their thoughts, feelings, and why they act the way they do. It reduces conflict, builds empathy, improves communication, and helps you predict how people will react.
How do unmet needs connect to behavior?
When essential needs (like safety, love, respect, belonging) aren't met growing up, people develop unhealthy ways to try to get those needs met later, like anger, aggression, or joining groups where they feel they belong.
Give an example of an "irrational thought" and how to change it into a "rational thought."
Example: Irrational = "He didn't text back. He hates me. I'm texting him 50 times." Rational = "He's probably busy. I'll try again later." OR Irrational = "I made a mistake. I'm a failure." Rational = "I made a mistake. I can learn from it."