Defining Esteem
How much we value, respect, and care for ourselves.
What is self-esteem?
"I am completely and permanently damaged goods."
What is a stuck point about self-esteem?
Treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would show a best friend.
What is self-compassion?
Believing that because one person harmed you, all of humanity is malicious and evil.
What is overgeneralization?
When a thought like "I am worthless" pops up, CBT asks you to look for this to prove the thought wrong.
What is factual evidence?
How much we value, respect, and recognize the humanity of other people.
What is esteem for others?
"People are basically selfish garbage and no one cares about anyone else."
What is a stuck point about other-esteem?
Remembering that the trauma happened to you, but does not define your identity or this.
What is your worth (or value)?
Intentionally noticing people doing kind, neutral, or helpful things to challenge negative beliefs about humanity.
What is finding evidence (or looking for the positive)?
Replacing the thought "I am ruined" with "I have been through hard things, but I am healing."
What is an alternative (or balanced) thought?
A feeling often linked to self-esteem stuck points, where you believe you did something wrong.
What is guilt?
Calling yourself "stupid," "worthless," or "weak" is an example of this cognitive distortion.
What is labeling?
Acknowledging that making mistakes or struggling is part of the shared human experience, not a personal defect.
What is common humanity?
The cognitive distortion where you only focus on the worst traits of society while filtering out all the good.
What is a mental filter?
Asking yourself, "Would I say this to a fellow group member who went through the same thing?"
What is the double standard technique?
A heavier, more painful emotion than guilt, where you believe you are inherently bad or broken.
What is shame?
Brushing off your hard work or survival by saying, "It's no big deal, anyone could have done that."
What is minimizing (or discounting the positive)?
Shifting from "I should have known better" to "I did the best I could with the information I had at the time" challenges this trap.
What is hindsight bias?
Holding onto the belief that "people are fundamentally good, but sometimes do bad things" instead of "people are inherently evil."
What is balanced thinking about others?
Moving away from "all-or-nothing" views of yourself (e.g., "I'm a total failure") to seeing your traits in this way.
What is on a continuum (or in shades of gray)?
The CBT goal is not to believe you are absolutely perfect, but to achieve this realistic, compassionate view of your worth.
What is self-acceptance (or balanced self-esteem)?
Looking at someone else's "highlight reel" and using it to make yourself feel inferior.
What is unfair comparison?
Giving yourself credit for surviving your past and doing the hard work of showing up to this.
What is therapy (or group)?
Valuing others enough to allow them to support you, challenging the stuck point that you must be entirely self-reliant.
What is accepting help (or allowing vulnerability)?
The process of repeatedly catching, checking, and changing harsh thoughts about your own worth.
What is cognitive restructuring?