Healthy Foundations
This skill is essential for healthy relationships!
It means talking openly and listening genuinely.
What is communication?
A healthy relationship involves both partners having this when making decisions — neither one is in charge.
What is equality?
You should avoid doing this when discussing a problem; instead, attack the issue, not the person.
What is criticizing the other person?
Your partner checking your phone without permission is an example of this kind of behavior.
What is a warning sign of abuse (controlling behavior)?
If a friend comes to you about an abusive relationship, this is the most important thing to build so they feel safe turning to you.
What is trust?
Healthy relationships aren’t about changing people — instead, it’s about keeping these realistic.
What are expectations?
A relationship becomes unhealthy if one person makes all the financial decisions and doesn’t talk about money. What is missing here?
What is equal power/economic equality?
If you’re too angry to talk, the healthy strategy is to do this before continuing the conversation.
What is take a time-out?
Extreme jealousy, frequent insults, and isolation from friends are all examples of this.
What are warning signs of abuse?
If your friend stays in or returns to an abusive relationship, your job is not to control their decisions but to do this instead.
What is support and empower them?
Mia notices she’s been avoiding tough conversations with her roommate because she doesn’t want to “start drama.” The tension keeps building. What’s one healthy step Mia could take to improve their relationship?
What is talking honestly with her roommate / starting an open conversation?
Chris and Sam are dating. Chris feels nervous about bringing up something that bothered them because Sam usually shuts down. What should Chris look for or try to build in their relationship to make these talks easier?
What is better communication and trust (a healthy foundation)?
Jordan and Taylor disagree on how to decorate their shared space. Neither wants to back down. What’s a healthy way they can handle this disagreement?
What is compromise / finding a middle ground?
*You can also contact your RA if it gets too heated :)
Riley’s partner often gets moody when Riley wants to hang out with friends. Riley ends up canceling plans to avoid arguments. What unhealthy pattern might be forming here?
What is isolation / controlling behavior?
Your friend mentions their partner sometimes insults them “as a joke,” but they look uncomfortable. What’s a good way to respond in that moment?
What is checking in gently, showing concern, and offering support?
Avery realizes they’ve been spending all their free time with their new partner and neglecting their hobbies and self-care. What healthy step should Avery take?
What is setting boundaries or taking care of themselves to maintain balance?
Taylor controls the couple’s finances and doesn’t let Jordan know anything about their budget or spending. Jordan feels uneasy but isn’t sure why this is unhealthy. What’s the issue here?
What is unequal power or lack of financial transparency (unhealthy dynamic)?
Sam and Riley have been arguing about how much time they spend together. Riley brings up several old fights during the argument, which makes Sam defensive and frustrated. What fighting strategy could help here?
What is staying on topic and not using the past as ammunition?
Jamie’s partner often accuses them of cheating with no proof, checks their social media, and demands passwords. Jamie feels uneasy but isn’t sure if it’s serious. What warning signs are present?
What are controlling behavior and false accusations (signs of abuse)?
A friend confides that they might be in an abusive relationship. You want to help, but you also don’t want to put yourself in danger. What’s an appropriate way to support them?
What is respecting your own boundaries, offering resources, and encouraging professional help (without intervening directly)?
*You can also contact your RA, USF counseling, or Victim Advocacy on campus!
Jordan and Alex are close friends. Lately, Alex has been overwhelmed with school and started skipping their usual hangouts without explaining. Jordan feels hurt and confronts Alex in a group chat, saying “You’ve changed, I guess you don’t care anymore.” Alex apologizes but seems withdrawn. What two things could Jordan have done differently to support a healthier relationship?
1️⃣ Chosen a more private, respectful way to bring up concerns. 2️⃣ Practiced empathy and asked what was going on before making assumptions.
Taylor and Jamie have been dating for 6 months. Taylor says Jamie can’t go to a party without them because “I just get too anxious when you’re not around.” Jamie agrees to stay home to avoid conflict. At the same time, Taylor is very supportive emotionally and helps Jamie study for exams. What types of behaviors are present in this relationship?
A mix of healthy behaviors (emotional support) and unhealthy behaviors (controlling/social isolation under the guise of anxiety).
Avery and Morgan disagree on how to spend their shared money for a trip. Avery immediately shuts down, while Morgan keeps pushing for answers. Later, Morgan vents to friends and posts a passive-aggressive meme online about “people who can’t communicate.” Identify at least 3 unhealthy conflict behaviors in this situation.
1️⃣ Stonewalling/shutting down (Avery) 2️⃣ Pressuring during conflict (Morgan) 3️⃣ Venting publicly/passive-aggressive behavior (Morgan)
Jamie’s partner, Alex, is charming and supportive in public. In private, Alex criticizes Jamie’s academic choices, makes “jokes” about their looks, and tracks Jamie’s class schedule “to make sure you’re safe.” Alex once pressured Jamie to skip a family event, saying “If you loved me, you’d stay.” When Jamie expresses discomfort, Alex cries, apologizes, and buys gifts. Jamie starts questioning if they’re “overreacting.” Identify all the red flags in this scenario, and explain why this situation might be confusing or hard to recognize as abuse.
Red flags: 1️⃣ Undermining Jamie’s autonomy (academic criticism). 2️⃣ Emotional manipulation disguised as jokes. 3️⃣ Monitoring schedule = controlling behavior. 4️⃣ Guilt-tripping to control decisions. 5️⃣ Abuse-repair cycle (hurt → apology → gifts). Why it’s confusing: Mixed signals (public support vs private control), use of love/apologies as manipulation, gradual escalation makes it feel ambiguous, Jamie may internalize blame.
our friend Sam has been in a relationship for two years. Over the last few months, you’ve noticed their partner becoming increasingly controlling: criticizing outfits, insisting on shared passwords, and discouraging them from joining clubs. Sam mentions they “don’t feel like themselves anymore” but also says they “can’t afford to break up right now” because they live together and share expenses. They ask you not to tell anyone but break down crying. What are several nuanced ways you can support Sam while respecting their agency, ensuring your safety, and acknowledging the complexity of their situation?
alidate Sam’s feelings without rushing them to act. - Avoid ultimatums; respect their autonomy. - Help safety plan (e.g., financial options, who they can call). - Offer practical help (resources, housing info, counseling) discreetly. - Maintain trust by respecting confidentiality, but also gently discuss limits if safety worsens. - Set boundaries for your own emotional wellbeing (e.g., not being their only support). - Understand that leaving may take multiple attempts and shouldn’t be forced.