⛪ Growing Up in Church
Your mama is in the choir stand and you’re acting up in the pew. She makes direct eye contact and mouths something you cannot hear. What did she say?
“STOP.” / “SIT DOWN.” / “I’m gonna get you.”
The preacher says, “I’m through.” What does this mean?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 😂
What church phrase usually means, “I absolutely have an opinion, but I’m trying to be saved about it”?
“I’m just gonna pray about it.” 😂
Church lets out at 1:47 p.m. Somebody asks, “Where y’all wanna eat?” What happens next?
A 30-minute discussion in the parking lot.
Finish it: “God is good…”
All the time!
🎤 “I smile, even though I _____.”
Hurt, see I smile. — Kirk Franklin
You were asleep in church and your mama pinched you. What is the ONE thing you absolutely cannot do?
Cry out loud. 😭 You better cry internally.
The preacher wipes their forehead, takes off the jacket, and says, “Y’all don’t hear me in here!” What phase of service have we entered?
We are NOWHERE near done. 😭
Somebody starts a testimony with, “I’m not gonna be long.” What should you do?
Get comfortable.
Your whole church decides to go to the same restaurant after service. Who should we immediately pray for?
The server. 😭😂
“Won’t He…”
DO IT! 😂
Somebody sings, “Never would have made it…” What does virtually the entire room immediately sing next?
“Never could have made it without You!”
As a child, what was the most dangerous sentence to hear after church?
“Wait until we get in this car.” 🚨
Somebody starts shouting and one shoe flies off. What should you NOT do?
Put that shoe back on them. 😂 Secure it and move!
Sister Johnson says, “Now I don’t gossip…” What is about to happen?
Gossip—with a prayer request attached. 😭
You are starving, but somebody says, “Let’s bless the food,” and then begins, “Father God, we come before You…” What do you realize?
This is not going to be a short prayer. 😭
Pastor: “Can I preach like I feel it?”
The congregation:.....?
“PREACH!”
🎤 “Take me to the King, I don’t have much to _____.”
Bring.
You ask your mama, “Can we go home now?” She says, “After church.” What critical mistake have you made?
Assuming church has an ending time.
The preacher says, “Touch three people and tell them…” What happens if you only talk to two?
Apparently your blessing is now in jeopardy. 😂
Someone says, “Keep Sister Williams lifted in prayer.” You ask what happened. They say, “I can’t say.” What do you know?
They absolutely CAN say and are dying for you to ask again. 😂
At the church potluck, there are six pans of macaroni and cheese. How do you determine which one to eat?
You ask who made each one. 😂 Do NOT choose blindly.
Somebody grabs the microphone and starts with, “Giving honor to God, who is the head of my life…” What part of service have we entered?
Testimony territory. 😂
The praise team starts singing a song everybody knows, then the leader suddenly changes the key. Who is now fighting for their life?
Everybody who thought they could sing. 😭😂
You're spending the night at Grandma's Saturday. She wakes you up Sunday morning and says, “Get dressed.” You say, “I don't have church clothes.” What happens next?
Grandma finds you some church clothes. 😂 Nice try.
The musician suddenly stands up from the organ while still playing. What does this indicate?
Whatever is happening has escalated. 🚨😂
Pastor says, “Turn to your neighbor.” You intentionally avoid eye contact with everyone. What happens?
Some overly enthusiastic person finds you anyway. 😭
You see a beautiful pan of potato salad, but nobody knows who brought it. What do you do?
KEEP. WALKING. 🚨😂
The preacher says, “I need somebody who isn’t ashamed to…” Before they even finish the sentence, what are you supposed to do?
Whatever they’re about to tell you to do. 😂 Because now nobody wants to be the ashamed one.
The choir director stops directing the choir and starts doing a full praise break themselves. Who is directing now?
THE LORD. 😂🙌🏾 Choir, you're on your own.