Codependency 101
This relationship pattern involves becoming overly focused on another person's needs, feelings, or problems while neglecting your own.
What is codependency?
"I don't want them to be mad at me, so I'll just say yes."
What is people-pleasing/difficulty saying no?
Your choices, behaviors, coping skills, and recovery belong in this person's lane.
What is my lane?
This simple two-letter word can be a complete response when you don't want or aren't able to do something.
What is no?
Your friend is having a difficult day, so you listen without trying to solve the problem.
What is healthy support?
True or False: Depending on another person for emotional support automatically makes a relationship codependent.
False. Healthy relationships involve depending on and supporting one another.
Process: When does depending on someone cross the line into unhealthy dependence?
Someone frequently says "I'm sorry" during conflict even when they haven't done anything wrong.
What is over-apologizing/conflict avoidance?
Your partner becomes angry after you tell them no.
What is their lane/their emotional reaction?
True or False: If someone becomes disappointed by your boundary, that automatically means the boundary was probably unfair.
False
You cancel your own therapy appointment because your partner is upset and wants you to stay home.
What is unhealthy/codependent behavior?
Constantly focusing on someone else's problems can cause a person to neglect this.
What is their own recovery, needs, or well-being?
"I called my partner's employer and made up an excuse because they missed work again."
What is rescuing or enabling?
Your friend asks for advice but decides not to follow it. Their final decision belongs here.
What is their lane?
Finish this boundary statement: "I care about you, but..."
Answers will vary. Example: "...I'm not able to do that for you."
Your family member makes a poor financial decision, and instead of immediately fixing it, you allow them to determine how they will handle the consequences.
What is healthy support/allowing responsibility?
Codependency is better understood as this rather than as a formal mental health diagnosis.
What is a relationship pattern or collection of coping behaviors?
"Everyone else knows what they want, but I honestly don't know what I enjoy anymore."
What is loss of identity/self-neglect?
ou calmly communicate a boundary, but the other person refuses to respect it. Which part belongs in your lane?
What is deciding how I will respond and maintain my boundary?
Someone says, "If you really loved me, you'd lend me the money." Give one healthy boundary response.
Answers may include: "I care about you, and I'm not able to give you money."
"I can depend on you, you can depend on me, and we can both remain responsible for ourselves."
What is healthy interdependence?
Complete the statement: Healthy caring becomes problematic when helping turns into ______, compromise becomes ______, and connection becomes losing yourself.
What are rescuing and self-abandonment?
A person repeatedly helps others even when they don't want to, then becomes angry and resentful afterward. This may be a sign that this is needed.
What is a boundary?
Your loved one has a substance-use problem. Name three things that belong in their lane.
Examples include their substance use, willingness to seek treatment, recovery choices, attendance at meetings/treatment, coping skills, honesty, and consequences of their behavior.
Name three emotions someone might have to tolerate after beginning to set healthier boundaries.
Examples include guilt, anxiety, fear, discomfort, sadness, uncertainty, or fear of rejection.
Name three ways codependency could increase relapse vulnerability.
Possible answers include stress, resentment, emotional exhaustion, poor boundaries, neglecting meetings or treatment, exposure to triggering situations, anxiety, conflict, and reduced self-care.