Say it Straight
This style of communication says what you need clearly and calmly — without attacking the other person or backing down from what is true.
What is assertive communication?
Your partner asks how you are doing. You say "fine" — but you are not fine at all. What style of communication is this?
What is passive? You are avoiding the truth to keep the peace or avoid conflict — but the real feeling does not go away. It just comes out another way.
True or false: If you are nervous before a hard conversation, that means you are not ready to have it.
What is FALSE? Nervousness before a hard conversation is normal — it usually means the conversation matters. Being scared and doing it anyway is exactly what courage looks like.
True or false: Your family should just know how you feel — if they loved you they would get it without you having to say it.
What is FALSE? Even the people who love you most cannot read your mind. Expecting them to know without being told sets up a cycle of disappointment on both sides. Saying it out loud is not weakness — it is the only thing that actually works.
Name one thing you can do before a hard conversation to give yourself the best chance of saying what you actually mean.
Full points for any specific, practical answer: write it down, practise out loud, tell someone your main point, wait until you are calm, choose the right time and place.
True or false: Being assertive means being aggressive — saying what you think no matter how it lands
What is FALSE? Assertive means honest and direct — but also respectful. It is not about winning. It is about being clear without putting the other person down or shutting down yourself.
Your family member brings up your past in front of everyone. You snap back and say something sharp to shut it down. What style is this — and what might have worked better?
What is aggressive? A better response might be: "I'm not going to talk about that here. Can we speak privately later?" — calm, clear, and sets a limit without attacking.
Name the one thing that makes a hard conversation go better before you even start it.
What is knowing what you actually want to say — or what you need the other person to hear? Going in clear about your point prevents the conversation from getting lost in emotion or detail.
Name one thing you wish your family understood about your recovery that you have never found the right way to say.
Personal share — full points for any honest, specific answer. This is one of the most important questions in the room.
True or false: Good communication means the other person always understands and agrees with what you said.
What is FALSE? Good communication means you said what was true clearly and respectfully. Whether the other person hears it, agrees with it, or responds the way you hoped — that is not entirely in your control. Your job is to say it. Their response is theirs.
Name one reason it is hard to say something honestly and directly — even when you know you need to.
Full points for any honest, specific answer: fear of the reaction, not wanting to hurt someone, not believing your feelings matter, being used to keeping the peace, or not having the words.
Name a time you went passive when you needed to be honest — said "I'm fine" or stayed quiet when something important needed to be said. What did the silence cost you?
Personal share — full points for naming the situation and what the unspoken thing did to the relationship or to you.
Name a conversation you have been putting off with a family member. You don't have to share the details — just name what kind of conversation it is: an apology, a limit you need to set, something you need to ask for, or something you need them to know.
Personal share — full points for naming the type of conversation honestly. This opens the door to the Final Jeopardy question.
Your family member keeps bringing up what you did in active addiction. You have apologized. They keep bringing it up. What is the assertive response?
What is something like: "I hear that it still hurts. I'm not going to be able to keep apologizing for the same thing — what I can do is keep showing you I'm different. What do you need from me going forward?" Firm, honest, not defensive, and forward-facing.
True or false: Good communication means the other person always understands and agrees with what you said.
What is FALSE? Good communication means you said what was true clearly and respectfully. Whether the other person hears it, agrees with it, or responds the way you hoped — that is not entirely in your control. Your job is to say it. Their response is theirs.
Name a time you said something directly and clearly that you had been putting off — and what happened after you said it.
Personal share — full points for naming what was said and what ch.anged after
Name a time you went aggressive when you were actually hurting — came out fighting when what you really needed was to be heard. What was underneath it?
Personal share — full points for naming what was underneath the aggression. Most aggression in recovery is fear, pain, or grief wearing a different face.
Name a time a hard conversation went better than you expected. What did you do — or say — that made the difference?
Personal share — full points for naming the specific thing that helped. This is practical evidence the group can learn from.
True or false: Talking honestly to your family about your recovery will always make things better.
What is FALSE — or at least, not guaranteed? Honesty gives the relationship the best chance. But honest conversations sometimes hurt before they help. Some family members are not ready. Saying the truth anyway is still the right call — even when the outcome is uncertain.
Name the difference between venting and communicating. When does one become the other — and which one actually moves things forward?
Personal share or group discussion — full points for naming the distinction honestly. Venting releases pressure but does not solve anything. Communication names what is needed and moves toward it. Both have a place — knowing which one you need is the skill.
Name the hardest conversation you have ever had to have in recovery — with a family member, a counsellor, a sponsor, or yourself. What made it so hard? And what happened?
Personal share — full points for naming the conversation and what it cost to have it.
Name a time you managed to be assertive — said something hard, clearly, without backing down and without attacking. What did you say — and what did it feel like to do it?
Personal share — full points for naming the moment and the internal experience. This is evidence of a skill that already exists.
Name the conversation you most need to have with yourself — the honest internal conversation you have been avoiding. What would you say if you stopped managing it and just said it?
Personal share — full points for any honest, specific answer. This is often the hardest one in the room. Hold space.
Name one thing you want your family to know about who you are right now — in this season of your recovery — that they may not see because they are still looking at who you were.
Personal share — full points for any honest, specific answer. This is the heart of the family communication category.
Name one conversation in your recovery that changed everything — something someone said to you or something you finally said out loud. What was said, and what did it open up?
Personal share — full points for naming the conversation and what it changed. This is often where the most powerful things in the room get said.