Antidotes
What is the antidote to stonewalling?
Using self-soothing strategies to calm down and remain present with your partner.
What is the antidote to criticism?
Gentle startup/dealing with the problems in a calm and gentle way. The focus needs to be on the problem not the person.
When a discussion becomes escalated for 30 or more minutes, what should you do to help resolve the conflict?
Take a time out
What is the antidote to contempt?
share fondness and admiration, respect and appreciation. Show affection, recognize your partners strengths, give compliments.
Give an example of defensiveness and explain why it is a harmful behavior to engage in.
It is harmful because it deflects responsibility for your own mistakes and behaviors and prevents you from making appropriate changes to improve the relationship or resolve the argument
What is the purpose of utilizing I statements when in a disagreement?
It is a way to express your feelings without blaming or making the other person defensive
Give an example of criticism and explain why it is a harmful behavior to engage in.
It is harmful because the focus is on perceived personal flaws rather than changeable behaviors.
Name three behaviors that can be harmful in a romantic relationship
blaming, ignoring, being nervous to share feelings, jealousy, cheating, etc.
What is the antidote to defensiveness?
Taking responsibility. Showing remorse and apologizing.
Give an example of contempt and explain why it is a harmful behavior to engage in.
It is harmful because it will erode the confidence of the other person and often results in increased defensiveness or reactivity
Why is it important to be respectful and to avoid making threats when in a disagreement?
Threats back people into a corner and create anxiety which will make your partner less confident in your commitment to the relationship. It is unfair and will likely put the other person on the defensive.
Name three behaviors that strengthen a romantic relationship
supporting each others' goals, trusting, appreciating, compromising, working together, keeping promises, etc.
What are the four horsemen and why is it important to learn their antidotes?
Behaviors the escalate conflict and damage a relationship. Over time these harmful behaviors may become a normal part of communication between partners. Learning how to overcome them is important in resolving conflict and regaining positive feelings between partners.
what is stonewalling?
Emotionally withdrawing, shutting down, or going silent during important discussions
Explain why it is important not to raise your voice during an argument.
Yelling can feel threatening and can trigger a fight or flight response on the other person making it more difficult to resolve the situation
Give an example of taking responsibility in an argument.
I shouldn't have raised my voice. I'm sorry.
How can understanding and implementing healthy boundaries strengthen a romantic relationship?
Allows room for both parties wants and needs, creates safety and structure to the relationship, can prevent unnecessary conflict related to jealousy and control. Clarifies and resolves some issues.
What are antidotes?
skills that replace each of the four horsemen. These skills help resolve conflict and encourage positive feelings between partners.
What are the consequences of stone walling?
The underlying problems go unresolved. May escalate the argument
Why is it important to be specific and to avoid generalizing in an argument?
Vague complaints are difficult to solve. It is better to stick to specific examples.
Give an example of the antidote gentle startup
I feel frustrated when the dirty dishes are left overnight in the sink. Could you please do the dishes tonight?
Give an example of a boundary you have had to set in a relationship and how the other person responded.
I cannot be around substances right now. Please keep them out of the house and do not come around me while you are under the influence.