Active Listening
I need you to clean your room now. You feel frustrated. How to respond calmly?
Acknowledge the request, show willingness, and use polite timing instead of arguing.
what is defiance?
Saying “no” repeatedly or loudly
Ignoring instructions
Arguing back or challenging authority
Doing the opposite of what’s asked
“If I don’t get an A on this test, I’m a total failure.”
how to make this more balanced?
All or nothing
I will do my best and I can make improvements next time
You feel annoyed because your sibling took your headphones. What can you do before responding?
Pause, breathe, count to 10
then respond
Your teacher is explaining a new assignment, but you didn’t understand part of it.
Ask questions politely; show curiosity, not defiance.
Defiance-
Your teacher asks you to stop talking in class, but you feel annoyed. What is a non-defiant way to respond?
Follow the request first, then communicate your needs respectfully.
“Okay, I’ll be quiet now. Can I ask my question after class?”
If I fail this test, my whole life is ruined.
Catastrophizing
Failing one test is temporary; I can recover and try again.
You’re frustrated about homework and want to yell. What can you do instead?
Step away for a short break, stretch, or drink water, then return calmly.. this helps regulate your emotions
is a way of listening where you fully focus on the speaker, understand their message, and show that you are paying attention
Your parent says no to extra screen time and you want to protest. How can you respond without defiance?
Show understanding and suggest alternatives instead of arguing
“She’s thinking I’m stupid because I asked a question.”
Mind reading
Don’t assume you know others’ thoughts—ask or check reality
You feel upset when someone teases you at school. What’s a healthy coping response?
Use assertive statements and seek support rather than reacting angrily.
"That bothers me, or tell a teacher"
How to show that you're active listening to someone ?
Pay attention (nod, eye contact)
Reflect or rephrase
Ask clarifying questions
Dont interrupt them
What makes defiance a negative thing ?
It can create conflict rather than problem solving, make people think you're hard to deal with, creates more stress/tension, and can become a habit .
“I didn’t do well in math once; I’m terrible at it forever.”
Overgeneralization
I can learn and improve with practice; one mistake isn’t permanent.
You’re overwhelmed by too many tasks at once. How can you manage stress without arguing?
Ask for help, break the task down in smaller steps, time block (20 mins, 5 min break, 20 mins, 5 min break, 20 mins, 5min break), make a checklist
this help you stay organized, and make it manageable
Why is active listening helpful?
Shows respect, makes people feel heard/understand, makes them more willing to listen to you
How to prevent defiance ?
Pause before reacting or responding
Taking a few deep breaths
Do I want to win this argument, or do I want to solve this calmly?
“I feel anxious, so something bad must be happening.”
Emotional Reasoning
Our thoughts are not facts
"Feeling anxious doesn’t mean danger is real; I can check the facts.”
You feel like your anger is building and might explode. What coping skill can you use?
Use a calming technique: deep breathing, counting backwards, or squeezing a stress ball.
When you feel it early , intervene otherwise you will explode