Family Roles
This role involves shielding other family members from negative consequences or taking on extra responsibilities to maintain stability.
Example: A family member who covers up another family member's mistakes or makes excuses for their behavior to prevent conflicts.
The Enabler / The Protector / The Fixer / The Defender
Expressing oneself using "I" statements helps take responsibility for feelings and avoids blaming others.
Example: "I feel overwhelmed when there's a lot of noise in the room."
"I" Statements
This type of boundaries involves personal space and touch. They determine how close others can come to you physically and what type of touch is acceptable.
"I need some space right now to cool off. Let's continue this discussion later."
Physical Boundaries
This is the practice of giving your full attention to the speaker, using verbal and nonverbal cues to show that you're fully engaged and understanding their message.
Technique: Maintaining eye contact, nodding, and using verbal affirmations like "I see" or "I understand" to show you're listening actively.
Active Listening
Hand or arm movements that accompany speech and convey meaning.
Examples: Nodding (agreement), waving (greeting), thumbs up (approval), pointing (indicating direction).
Gestures
This role involves using humor and lightheartedness to relieve tension and make others laugh. This individual may try to uplift the family's mood and create a positive atmosphere.
Example: A family member who uses jokes and funny antics to lighten the mood during challenging times.
The Mascot / The Entertainer / The Comedian / The Clown
Understanding and sharing the feelings of another person.
Example: "I can imagine that must have been really frustrating for you."
Empathy
This type of boundaries involves separating your feelings and emotions from those of others. They help protect your emotional well-being and prevent emotional manipulation.
"I understand you're upset, but I need some time to process my own feelings before we talk."
Emotional Boundaries
This involves describing a situation or behavior without adding personal interpretations or evaluations.
Technique: Describing what you see or hear without attaching opinions, assumptions, or labels. For example, "I noticed you arrived late to the meeting."
Nonjudgmental Observation
The way the body is positioned, which reflects confidence, comfort, and emotion.
Examples: Upright (confidence), slouched (lack of interest), crossed arms (defensiveness), leaning forward (engagement).
Posture
This role often involves withdrawing from family interactions and staying out of the spotlight. This individual may seek solitude and avoid conflict to cope with stress.
Example: A family member who spends a lot of time alone, avoids family gatherings, and prefers activities that provide personal space.
The Lost Child / The Quiet One / The Loner / The Uninvolved One
Acknowledging and respecting someone's emotions or experiences, even if you don't necessarily agree.
Example: "I understand that this situation is important to you."
Validation
This type of boundaries encompasses a combination of physical, emotional, and mental limits that define your identity and sense of self.
"I feel like my boundaries were crossed during our last conversation. Can we work together to avoid that happening again?"
Personal Boundaries
This involves allowing pauses in the conversation to reflect on what has been said and to provide space for the speaker's thoughts and feelings.
Technique: Pausing before responding, allowing the speaker to finish their thoughts, and using silence to contemplate your response.
Mindful Silence
The distance between individuals during interactions, reflecting comfort levels and relationships.
Examples: Standing close (intimacy), maintaining moderate distance (casual conversation), keeping a large distance (formal or uncomfortable situations).
Proximity
This role may involve challenging authority, testing boundaries, and acting out in response to family dynamics. This individual might bring attention to underlying issues within the family.
Example: A family member who engages in rebellious behavior or gets in trouble as a way of expressing dissatisfaction or drawing attention to unspoken problems.
The Rebel / The Scapegoat / The Troublemaker / The Black Sheep
Questions that encourage more detailed and thoughtful responses, promoting deeper conversation.
Example: "Could you tell me more about how you're feeling?"
Open-Ended Questions
This type of boundaries involves your interactions with others in different settings, helping you distinguish between professional and personal relationships.
"I value our friendship, but I think we need to address this issue separately from our work relationship."
Social Boundaries
This involves using your breath to stay grounded and focused during conversations, reducing reactivity and promoting mindfulness.
Technique: Taking slow, deep breaths while listening and speaking, using your breath as an anchor to remain present.
Breath Awareness
Fleeting facial expressions that reveal true emotions, often lasting only a fraction of a second.
Examples: Flash of anger, subtle fear, quick smile of amusement.
Microexpressions
This role involves diffusing conflicts, maintaining harmony, and trying to keep everyone happy. This individual may avoid confrontation and seek compromise.
Example: A family member who steps in to calm down arguments and helps find common ground during disagreements.
The Peacemaker / The Mediator / The Diplomat / The Harmonizer
Providing constructive feedback by framing criticism between positive comments.
Positive Comment -> Constructive Criticism -> Positive Comment
Feedback Sandwich / Sandwich Statement
This type of boundaries relates to respecting each other's thoughts, opinions, and beliefs without forcing or imposing your ideas on others.
"I see where you're coming from, and I appreciate your perspective. Can we discuss this further to find a common ground?"
Intellectual Boundaries
This entails approaching conversations with an open and nonjudgmental mindset, seeking to learn and understand rather than convince or judge. Technique: Asking questions with a genuine desire to learn, explore, and broaden your understanding of the other person's perspective.
Cultivating Curiosity
Subconsciously mimicking another person's body language, indicating rapport and connection.
Examples: Crossing legs when the other person does, copying gestures, adopting similar postures.
Mirroring