Act It Out
You and your friends go to the PHS homecoming game together. One of your friends wants to ditch someone in the group because they "aren't cool enough".
Act out this scenario with a healthy, helpful response.
Ex. I don't think that would be nice of us to ditch them, I'm going to stay with them. I think it would be fun if you stayed too!
During lunch in the cafeteria, your friend suddenly gets annoyed and snaps at you for “talking too much” after they got a bad grade back on a math test.
What might REALLY be going on underneath the reaction?
Possible answers: Embarrassment, frustration, insecurity, disappointment
Your grade just got back from a field trip to the CP Pool. On the bus ride home, two friends get into an argument because one person keeps making jokes about the other in front of everyone. Later that night, one of them texts:
“Hey, I know we were both annoyed earlier, but I feel like the jokes were starting to actually hurt my feelings.”
Helpful
Addressing the conflict directly and expressing feelings without attacking the other person
You literally make everything harder for no reason. Every single time we have a project you try to control everything and then get mad when people don’t do it exactly your way. Nobody even wants to work with you anymore.
I feel frustrated during projects sometimes because I want everyone to feel included and able to share ideas. I think we’d work better if we divided things up more evenly.
After an angry text, Noah decides to wait until he calms down before responding so he does not say something he regrets.
Taking a pause, calming down before talking
You are designing a boat with your team for the 8th-grade regatta. One person keeps shutting down everyone else’s ideas and acting like they’re the only one who knows what they’re doing. Another group member finally snaps and says, “You think you’re better than everyone.”
Act out a healthier way this conflict could be handled.
Ex. I understand that you really want your ideas involved, and so do we. Could we find a compromise?
A classmate keeps pressuring their friends to vape after school and makes fun of anyone who says no, calling them “boring” or “little kids.”
What might REALLY be going on underneath this behavior?
Your science group has been working on a big project for the last two weeks. During class presentations, one group member forgets part of their section and gets embarrassed. Right after class, another student posts on their private story:
“Some people should really learn how to present before embarrassing the whole group 💀”
Unhelpful
Posting indirectly online escalates conflict and embarrasses the person publicly instead of solving the issue
You act completely different depending on who you’re around. At lunch you ignored me the entire time just because those high school girls were sitting near us. It’s honestly embarrassing how hard you try to fit in.
I felt hurt at lunch today because it felt like you were ignoring me, and I guess I started overthinking it. I just wanted to check in instead of making assumptions.
Jordan sees an Instagram story that seems directed at him. Instead of immediately starting drama in the comments or texting other people about it, he messages the person privately and says, “Hey, I saw your post and wanted to check if something’s wrong between us.”
Listening: Asking Questions Instead of Assuming, Perspective taking
You’re hanging out with a group after a PMS sports game, and someone pulls out a vape. Your friend pressures you by saying:
“Come on, literally everyone does it. Stop acting weird.”
Act out a healthy response using conflict resolution tools.
Saying no, being assertive and direct
A classmate at PMS tells one friend privately that they’re stressed about failing math. By the next day, people in the group chat are saying the student is “stupid” and might get held back. At lunch, people keep staring and whispering, and the student suddenly doesn’t want to sit with anyone anymore.
Your friend sees pictures on Instagram of you and a group at the Quakerbridge Mall. They weren’t invited to and became really upset. Instead of immediately posting something shady online or sending an angry paragraph, they text:
“Hey, I’m not gonna lie, seeing those pictures kind of hurt my feelings and made me feel left out. I just wanted to be honest about it.”
Helpful!
Communicating honestly and directly without attacking or escalating the situation
Why don’t you just shut up? You seriously make everything dramatic for no reason. It was literally just the team dinner after the game, and honestly, you probably would’ve made it awkward anyway. Not everything has to be about you all the time.
I’m sorry you felt left out. Coach only let a few of us go because we all had to fit in one car after the game. I wanted to tell you earlier because I knew it might hurt your feelings, but I honestly didn’t know how to bring it up. I still really want us to be good teammates and friends.
Two students both want to be the leader during a class project and keep interrupting each other. Eventually, they decide that one person will organize the slides while the other presents to the class, so both have important roles.
Compromise, finding middle ground, problem-solving
Your friend is upset because you posted a group photo from the Halloween Dance and cropped them out. You honestly didn’t mean to hurt their feelings, but now they’re angry and posting shady notes on their story.
Act out a healthy conversation between both people
Ex. Hey, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. I really didn't mean to, and I will definitely include you next time. But next time, I would love it if you came to me to talk before posting online
Your friend starts suddenly pulling away from the friend group during spirit week. They stop answering texts, sit somewhere different at lunch, and seem irritated anytime anyone asks if they’re okay.
Why is it important not to immediately assume they’re “being rude” or “starting drama”?
A student feels uncomfortable when friends start vaping in the bathroom after school, so they make up an excuse to leave the situation instead of staying because they feel pressured.
Mostly helpful
Removing yourself from uncomfortable peer pressure situations can be a healthy choice.
You're a lousy friend. You didn't even invite me to your birthday party! I have you over to my house all the time and you couldn't even invite me to one stupid party! I bet it was rotten anyway. You never know how to have fun
I felt really hurt when I heard that you had a birthday party and didn't even invite me because I thought we were good friends . It doesn't seem like something a good friend would do. When Pam and Keisha told me they were invited and you didn't invite me I figured we aren't friends anymore.
After making a joke that embarrassed her friend at lunch, Ava notices her friend getting quiet for the rest of the day. Later she says, “I honestly didn’t realize it upset you at the time, but I can see why it hurt your feelings and I’m sorry.”
Apologizing, Listening/Perspective Taking