Apologies
Give an example of a fake apology and why it is considered fake.
Insincere tone of voice, eye rolling, sighing, uses Manipulation, tries to make the person feel weak for even wanting an apology.
True or False love means never having to say you're sorry.
False! Apologies can be very important when you love someone. An apology communicated you care about the other person and want them to feel better.
when bringing up a problem to someone the first ____ minutes is crucial.
Define Poisons
Behaviors that escalate conflict and damage a relationship.
Define Cures
Cures are skills that replace each of the Poisons. These skills help resolve conflict and encourage positive feelings between people.
What is a good apology consists of and give an example.
Calm tone, eye contacts, focusing on what you did vs how the person reacted, show regret, own up to what you did without trying to explain it.
True or False: Apologizing is as simple as saying "I'm sorry."
False! Just saying "im sorry" is not an apology. An apology requires remorse, an attempt to right your wrongs, and taking steps to make sure the problem is not repeated.
what does the term 'soft startup' refer to?
A soft startup sets a positive tone and helps reduce conflict by starting a conversation calmly and respectfully.
Describe Criticism
Dealing with problems through harsh, blaming or hurtful expressions of judgment or disapproval. Often met with defensiveness.
What is the Antidote for Criticism.
Healthy Communication! Dealing with problems in a calm and gentle way. The focus is the problem not the person. Use I statements, warm body language and tone of voice
Give an example of a time where you reflected on your actions. Even if someone else was at fault what role did you play? How did your actions look from their side? As a result of your actions how might the other person feel?
open ended question...
True or false Apologizing will make me look weak
False! An apology shows that you are strong enough yo admit when you've done something wrong. It also shows you have respect for yourself and the other person.
Define Reflective listening
Restating what the person has said to you in your own words before responding.
Describe Stonewalling
Emotionally shutting down or going silent during important discussion.
What is the antidote for Defensiveness?
Take Responsibility! own up to your behavior without blaming others. Avoid taking feedback personally, show remorse and apology
There are 4 steps to an apology, please name all 4 steps.
Verbalize your apology, take responsibility for your actions, let the person know you will not do it again, ask for forgiveness.
True or False Quick fix is when you cause someone an inconvenience that wasn't intentional/ doesn't happen all the time
True!
Turn this statement into an I statement. "you're so closed off, we need to talk more."
"I feel lonely when we don't talk. I would like to spend more quality time with you."
Describe contempt
Showing anger, disgust, or hostility toward your partner. using put downs or insults, mocking, sarcastic tones.
What is the antidote for contempt?
Be Kind! Create a healthy relationship by regularly showing people respect and appreciation. show affection, give compliments
What was the biggest apology you've ever had to make? Were you sincere about it ? what could you have done better? Did you follow the four steps ?
open ended question
True or False Major repair is when actions are deliberate and cause harm to someone and your relationship with them
True!
Give at least 3 examples of a soft startup skill
Save the convo for a calm moment, use gentle body language and tone, use "I" statements, describe the problem clearly, be respectful rather then demanding
Describe Defensiveness
Putting the blame all on the other person, refusing to accept feedback.
What is the antidote for Stonewalling?
Quick Comfort! Use relaxation techniques to calm down and stay present. Agree to pause the conversation briefly, use deep breathing, use muscle relaxations.