COPING TOOLBOX
You are getting annoyed and can not leave the situation. Name ONE thing you can do to keep yourself from blowing up.
Bonus: Which one would actually work for you?
Your mom tells you no to something you want to do. What do you do?
A. Keep asking until she changes her mind
B. Ask why once and then handle the answer
C. Yell and go to your room and slam the door
D. Ask your dad or another adult
B. Ask why once and then handle the answer
TRUE OR FALSE: Someone can be mad at someone and still treat them respectfully?
TRUE: Remember feelings are not bad behaviors.
You can feel whatever you feel . Behavior still has choices".
Someone says:
“I'M FINE.”
Name TWO clues that might tell you they aren't actually fine.
Tone, facial expression, body position, crying, avoiding eye contact, becoming very quiet, slamming things, short answers.
TRUE or TRAP:
“If I'm angry, I can't control what I say.”
TRAP!!
Anger makes self-control harder, not impossible.
Your body usually gives you clues that you're getting upset before you lose your temper. Name TWO clues.
Hot face, tight fists, faster heartbeat, tense muscles, louder voice, wanting to leave, stomach feeling weird, crying, shaking, racing thoughts.
BONUS: which one happens to you first?
You are accused of doing something and you think the adult is WRONG. What could you say?
“I don’t think that’s what happened.”
“Can I explain what happened?”
“I remember it differently.”
“Can I tell you my side?”
What makes a household rule feel fair?
Name 2 things.
Bonus: Does fair always mean getting what you want?
Mom says:
“Please put the game away. It's time to get ready.”
What do we ACTUALLY know?
A. They hate you
B. They're angry
C. They want the game put away
D. They're trying to ruin your day
C. They want the game put away
*FACTS vs ASSUMPTIONS*
TRUE or TRAP?
“I can disagree with an adult without disrespecting them.”
TRUE.
Which is the BEST first step when you’re really angry?A. Say whatever you’re thinking
B. Stop and figure out what’s happening
C. Get someone else involved immediately
D. Keep arguing until they understand
B — Stop and figure out what’s happening.
STOP --> THINK --> CHOOSE
BONUS: What makes stopping hard?
You are REALLY mad about a rule, but the rule isn’t changing. Name TWO things you can control.
**You don't always control the decision but you do control your response**
What is the difference between:
ASKING FOR HELP
and
HAVING SOMEONE FIX IT FOR YOU?
Help = support while you still participate.
Fixing/rescuing = someone else takes over so you don't have to deal with the problem.
Examples:
“Help me figure out what to say.” ✅
“Go tell Mom I'm not doing it.” ❌
Someone crosses their arms and stops talking.
Give THREE possible explanations.
Could be angry, embarrassed, nervous, tired, thinking, frustrated, cold, uncomfortable, sad, etc.
*One behavior can have many explanations.*
TRUE or TRAP?
“If someone tells me NO, that means they don't care about me or what I want".
TRAP!
People can care about you and still set limits.
What are some reasons your mom or dad might say no?
Name ONE thing people do when they’re angry that usually makes the problem WORSE.
yelling, arguing, name-calling, slamming things, threatening, blaming, lying, bringing someone else into it, refusing everything, saying hurtful things.
BONUS: WHY does that make it worse?
You want something. One parent says NO.
You ask the other parent hoping they’ll say YES.
What could happen next?
Possible consequences:
Bonus: “What's a better way to disagree with the first answer?
Someone at home makes a decision you HATE.
What are THREE respectful choices you still have?
You think someone is angry with you.
Before reacting, what could you do to CHECK whether you're right?
“Are you upset with me?”
“Did I do something?”
“You seem upset—is something wrong?”
“Am I reading this right?”
CHECK IT OUT instead of assuming
TRUE OR TRAP?
“Two people can experience the exact same argument and remember it differently.”
TRUE!
Neither person's memory automatically proves intentional lying. Perception vs perspective
Create your own 3-step emergency plan for when you are VERY upset.
Example:
1. Stop talking.
2. Take space to breathe.
3. Decide what I want to say.
You think someone treated you unfairly. Which is MORE powerful?
A. Proving they're wrong
B. Getting revenge
C. Explaining your concern calmly
D. Refusing to cooperate
C: Explaining your concern calmly.
*Bonus*
Give an example of recent argument - avoid using insults, blame or saying "always/never". 30 seconds.
What builds trust faster?
A. Saying “trust me”
B. Keeping promises
C. Never making mistakes
D. Getting someone else to agree with you
B- Keeping promises.
Trust grows from patterns: honesty, consistency, following through, taking responsibility, respectful communication.
BONUS: What can the adults in your life do to earn your trust?
DETECTIVE CHALLENGE:
Mom says:
“I already answered that question.”
You think:
“She doesn't care what I want.”
Which part is the FACT and which part is the GUESS?
FACT: She said, “I already answered that question.”
GUESS/interpretation: “She doesn't care what I want.”
TRUE or TRAP?
“Getting my way and solving the problem are basically the same thing.”
BIG TRAP!
Getting my way = outcome I wanted
Solving a problem = finding a response that improves the situation.
Sometimes they overlap, sometimes they don't.