Fix the Thesis
Fix it: "I am going to talk about school uniforms."
It needs an opinion, e.g. "Schools should not require uniforms because..."
Opinion: Students should get a longer lunch break. Give 3 reasons why.
Any 3 different reasons, e.g. more time to eat properly, time to recharge before afternoon classes, time for clubs or extra help.
Make up a statistic that proves: Teens don’t get enough sleep.
A believable number with a source, e.g. “A survey of 500 Ontario students found 7 out of 10 sleep less than 7 hours on school nights.”
Point: School uniforms save families money. Evidence: Parents at uniform schools spend about $300 less a year on clothes. Explain it!
This shows that uniforms save families money because parents no longer have to buy a whole wardrobe of trendy clothes for school. That $300 can go toward groceries, bills, or savings instead.
First students need more sleep.
First, students need more sleep.
(Comma after an opening transition word.)
Fix it: “Homework is good and bad.”
Pick ONE side, e.g. “Homework helps students because...”
Opinion: Teens should have a part-time job. Give 3 reasons why.
e.g. learn to manage money, build responsibility, gain work experience and references.
Make up a quote from an expert that proves: Eating breakfast helps students do better in school.
An expert with a title plus a quote, e.g. Dr. ___, a nutrition specialist, says, “...”
Point: Teens should have part-time jobs.
Evidence: 8 out of 10 employers prefer to hire people with work experience.
Explain it!
This shows that a part-time job helps teens in the future because most employers want people who have already worked. A teen with job experience will have an easier time getting hired later on.
Students need sleep food and exercise to do well.
Students need sleep, food, and exercise to do well.
(Commas in a list. The one before “and” is optional.)
Fix it: “In my opinion I think that gym class is like, really important.”
Remove “In my opinion I think” and “like,” then state the opinion directly: “Gym class is important because...”
Opinion: Cell phones should be banned during class. Give 3 reasons, and no two can be the same idea.
e.g. fewer distractions, less cheating, less social media drama. Don’t accept reasons that repeat each other.
Make up a statistic that proves: Pets make people happier.
A believable number with a source that connects to happiness, e.g. “A 2024 survey of 1,000 Canadians found that 8 out of 10 pet owners say their pet improves their mood every day.”
Point: Gym class should be required every year.
Evidence: Dr. Lee, a youth health expert, says, “Students who exercise during the day focus better in afternoon classes.”
Explain it!
This proves that gym class helps students in every subject, not just phys. ed. If moving during the day helps students focus, then a required gym class leads to better learning in math, English, and science too.
Although homework can be stressful it helps students practice.
Although homework can be stressful, it helps students practice.
(Comma after the opening “although” part.)
Turn this question into a thesis with 3 reasons: Should students choose their own seats in class?
One side and 3 different reasons, e.g. “Students should choose their own seats because ___, ___, and ___.”
Opinion: The school day should start at 10:00 a.m. Give 3 reasons, and start each one with a different transition word.
3 reasons, each with a transition (First, In addition / Furthermore, Finally), e.g. more sleep, better attendance, better focus.
Make up TWO different types of evidence (statistic, expert quote, or example) that prove: Video games can teach useful skills.
Two DIFFERENT types, both believable, both clearly about useful skills.
Point: The school day should start later.
Evidence: When one school started an hour later, late arrivals dropped by half.
Explain it!
This shows that a later start helps students get to class on time because they are more rested. When fewer students are late, they miss less of the lesson and do better in school.
Dr. Patel a sleep expert says teens need nine hours of sleep.
Dr. Patel, a sleep expert, says teens need nine hours of sleep.
(Commas around the extra description.)
What’s wrong with this thesis, and how would you fix it?
“High schools should have recess because it is fun, students enjoy it, and it is a good time.”
All 3 reasons say the same thing (fun). Replace them with different reasons, e.g. exercise, stress relief, better focus.
YES or NO: Should high school students have to complete volunteer hours to graduate? Pick a side, give 3 reasons, then name one argument the OTHER side would make.
One clear side, 3 different reasons, and a believable argument from the other side.
Prove it AND explain it: Schools should hold more classes outdoors. Give one piece of made-up evidence plus a “This shows that...” sentence.
Evidence plus an explanation that connects it back to the opinion, not just repeating it.
Point: Students should be allowed to use phones at lunch.
Evidence: Many students use their lunch break to check bus times or text a parent about pickup.
Explain it!
This shows that phones at lunch help students handle real responsibilities, like planning how to get home safely. Lunch is the only time they can do this without missing class, so banning phones would make students’ lives harder.
In addition cell phones distract students however they can help in emergencies.
In addition, cell phones distract students. However, they can help in emergencies.
(Comma after each transition. “However” starts a new sentence, or put a semicolon before it.)