DEAR MAN
The 'D' in DEAR MAN stands for:
Describe the Situation
The 'G' in GIVE stands for
The 'F' in FAST stands for:
Be fair - to both yourself and the other person
True/False: Integrity is when our feelings, words, and actions align with each other
x2: Why is integrity important?
True
It's important because we can't feel good about ourselves without it
The 'E' in DEAR MAN stands for:
Express how you feel
The 'I' in GIVE stands for
Act interested. Focus on the other person, ask follow up questions
The 'A' in FAST stands for:
(no) Apologies - you don't have to be sorry for having needs or an opinion, or anything that you didn't do wrong.
Name one of the three goals or priorities for when we talk to someone.
x2: name a second one
x3: name the third one
1. getting what we want (or avoiding what we don't want)
2. building or keeping a friendship
3. feeling good about ourselves and our choices
The first 'A' in DEAR MAN stands for:
Assert your position (this is when you are asking for what you want)
The 'V' in GIVE stands for:
Validate the other person
The 'S' in FAST stands for:
Stick to values - know what matters to you and don't go against those things.
What does "effective" mean?
"Effective" means that something moves us towards our goals.
The 'R' in DEAR MEAN stands for:
Reinforce - offer why what you want is also good for the other person
The 'E' in GIVE stands for:
Easy manner - keep it light
The 'T' in FAST stands for:
Be truthful - we can't feel good about ourselves when we aren't honest.
True/False: We can only have one goal at a time when we talk to someone
False: we will probably have all three goals most of the time, but one will be a higher priority.
Your friend has something you want: cookies/Takis, or something else. With a partner, use your DEAR MAN skills to ask for what you want.
2x points!
Did they describe the situation? Did they express their feelings? Did they assert what they wanted? Did they offer anything to the other person - even if it was only appreciation?
Situation: You're stressed because you're failing one of your classes and you're worried about how your parents are going to react. Your partner will practice using their GIVE skills to listen to you.
x2 points!
Were they gentle? Did they act interested? Did they validate the other person? Did they keep an easy tone?
Situation: you saw your friend steal some candy bars from a store. They offer you one of them if you don't say anything. With a partner, use your FAST skills to resist the peer pressure and stand up for what's right.
x2 points!
Were they fair to themselves and the other person? Did they avoid apologizing? Did they stick to their values? Were they truthful?
Situation: your friend kept texting you last night when you were trying to sleep, and now they're upset you didn't respond. With a partner, both of you write 'I' statements about how you feel and what you want.
2x points!
Format is 'I feel____, when you_____, because____, so please_______'