Dad Jokes
Where does a pirate go to buy a hook?
The second-hand store.
Why should you knock before opening the fridge?
Because there might be a salad dressing.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
Why don't eggs tell jokes to each other?
They'd crack each other up.
Why can't you trust stairs?
Because they're always up to something.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What does a cow use to do math?
A cow-culator.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it was full of problems!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
What has 5 toes and is not your foot?
My foot.
"Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field."
What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
Pointless.
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
Why did the pony ask for a drink of water?
Because it was a little hoarse.
What did they give the person who invented the knock-knock joke?
The 'no-bell' prize.
When does a dad joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes a-parent.