Gut Busters
Why did they stop using the ATM when it ran out of pennies?
It didn't make cents.
Why do crabs never volunteer?
Where do rainbows go when the break the law?
To Prism
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Fallop
What did the frying pan eat for breakfast
Pan-cakes
What did one piece of bread say to the other before they raced?
You're toast!
What is a shark's favorite saying?
"Man Overboard!"
Why did the handyman only do jobs 1, 3, 5, and 7 on the list of things he was supposed to do?
He only did odd jobs.
What do you call a sheep that can sing and dance?
Lady Ba-Ba
Why did the employee get fired from his job at the calendar factory?
He took too many days off.
Why should you watch what you say around eggs?
They can't take a yolk.
What did the buffalo say to her son when he went to school?
Bi-son
What do mermaids use to wash their fins?
Tide
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung Factory?
Guardians of the Galaxy
Why didn't the husband talk to his wife in 3 years
He didn't want to be rude and interrupt her.
How do you know when your sister thinks you're invading her privacy?
You read about it in her diary.
Why did the dog only eat $100 bills?
He had expensive taste
What vegetable is best at kung-fu
Brock-lee
What do you call a belt made out of clocks?
A waste of time
Why did the old blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Why should you avoid going to an aquarium?
There's something fishy about that place.
What do you call a dog who meditates?
Aware-wolf
What is the hardest Tea to swallow
Reali-tea
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter. He won't come anyway.
What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish