It Is What It Is” (Radical Acceptance)
What is radical acceptance?
Radical acceptance is fully acknowledging reality as it is, without resisting it. It's not the same as liking or approving of the situation.
What does STOP stand for, and when should you use it?
Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. Use it in moments of intense emotion or urge.
What are we weighing in a Pros and Cons list during a crisis?
The benefits and costs of acting on an urge vs. using a skill.
What’s one way to self-soothe using the sense of touch?
Holding a stuffed animal, warm blanket, or taking a hot shower.
What’s one situation that usually sets off strong emotions for you, and which DBT distress tolerance skill could help?
Answers will vary. Fighting with parents—STOP or IMPROVE helps me pause and ride it out.”
How is radical acceptance different than approval?
It's not the same as liking or approving of the situation. It is acknowledging the pain and that it is what it is.
What does each letter in TIPP stand for?
Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Paired Muscle Relaxation.
What’s one short-term pro of acting on an urge, and one long-term con?
Answers will vary. Ex: Pro = relief. Con = regret, relationship damage, or guilt.
What does ACCEPTS stand for?
Activities, Contributing, Comparisons, Emotions, Pushing away, Thoughts, Sensations.
What’s one urge you tend to get when emotions are high, and what skill helps you pause before acting on it?
Answers will vary. Urge = yelling, withdrawing, breaking things, etc. Skill = STOP, Pros and Cons, Self-soothe, etc.
Give me two examples of things to radically accept.
Answers vary. A breakup, a chronic illness, a parent's addiction, or being grounded.
You just got a really upsetting text. Walk through how you would use STOP to pause before reacting, and then choose one TIPP skill to calm your body.
STOP: Don’t reply right away (Stop), put phone down (Take a step back), notice your emotions (Observe), decide what would be wise to do next (Proceed mindfully). Then use a TIPP skill like holding ice or doing jumping jacks to reset your body.
Think of a current urge you’ve had. What are two long-term pros of riding it out?
Ex: Building trust with self, avoiding consequences, gaining confidence.
Give one example of using "meaning" or "imagery" from the IMPROVE skill.
"Meaning": remind yourself of your values. "Imagery": visualize a calm place.
Think of a time you didn’t use a skill—what happened? Now imagine how it could’ve gone differently if you had and share what you could have done.
Answers will vary. Ex: I screamed and slammed the door—if I’d used STOP or paced breathing, maybe I could’ve said what I needed calmly.”
True or False: Radical acceptance means you never take action to change a painful situation.
False. You can still work toward change, but from a place of acceptance instead of resistance
Why is it important to change your body chemistry with TIPP before using your Wise Mind?
Because in crisis, your body is in fight-or-flight mode. You need to calm down physiologically first.
What does it mean to “ride the wave” of an urge, and how is that connected to the long-term benefits from a Pros and Cons list?
“Riding the wave” means letting the urge or emotion rise, peak, and fall without acting on it. It helps you access the long-term pros like avoiding regret or building confidence in distress tolerance.
You're stuck in a waiting room and feeling panicky with nothing to do. Using ACCEPTS, what are two things you could do in that moment?
Answers will vary.
Activities: Doodle on paper, organize your bag
Thoughts: Count ceiling tiles, recite lyrics in your head
What are some signs your distress is climbing to a crisis level?
Signs: heart racing, zoning out, urge to escape, feeling trapped.
Share a time when you struggled with accepting reality. What helped or could have helped?
Open-ended. Acceptable answers include using DBT skills, support systems, or therapy tools.
Describe a real moment where STOP + TIPP could have helped you act more skillfully.
Open-ended; should involve a real crisis or intense emotion moment.
Think of a strong emotion or urge you had recently. Describe how you could ride the wave instead of acting impulsively, and name one skill that could help.
Open-ended. Example: “I felt angry and wanted to scream. I noticed the urge, paused, and breathed deeply (STOP + Paced Breathing) until it passed.” Skill answers may include: Mindfulness, IMPROVE, Self-soothe, or TIPP.
Encouragement is part of IMPROVE. Write or say a sentence you would tell a friend who was struggling—then rewrite it as if you were saying it to yourself.
To a friend: “You’ve gotten through worse—you’re doing the best you can.”
To self: “I’ve gotten through worse. I’m doing the best I can.”
Any kind, supportive statement turned inward is valid.
Describe a pattern or cycle you notice in your distress (like when you shut down or spiral). What’s one thing you could do differently next time?
Answers will vary. Ex: Aim for pattern + insight + skill. Example: “I shut down when I feel judged—I could try self-validation and journaling instead.”