DEARMAN Details
What does the “D” in DEAR MAN stand for?
Describe – state the facts, not opinions or judgments.
What does the “G” in GIVE stand for?
Gentle – use kindness and avoid attacks.
What does “FAST” stand for?
Fair, Apologies (limited), Stick to values, Truthful.
Why is staff modeling DBT skills important?
Clients learn by observing how staff communicate and regulate emotions.
A client says, “You like everyone else more than me!” What DBT skill could you use?
GIVE – validate feelings and respond gently.
Why is “Reinforce” important in DEAR MAN?
It shows how your request benefits everyone and increases cooperation.
What does “Validate” mean in GIVE?
Acknowledge the client’s feelings or perspective without necessarily agreeing.
Why is “Stick to values” crucial in residential settings?
It ensures consistency and professionalism even under pressure or manipulation.
What message does staff inconsistency send to clients?
It reinforces mistrust and emotional instability.
A peer staff cuts you off during a conversation and you feel frustrated. Which skill helps you express that assertively?
DEAR MAN
Give an example of a staff using DEAR MAN with a client.
Example: “You’ve been leaving group early (Describe). I’m concerned it’s hard to learn that way (Express). I need you to stay through group (Assert). That helps you meet your goals (Reinforce).”
Why is “Interested” an important part of GIVE for BHSs?
It shows empathy and curiosity, helping clients feel heard and understood.
What’s an example of using FAST with a peer staff?
“I appreciate your feedback, but I’ll need to finish my task before discussing it further (Stick to values + Truthful).”
Give an example of staff modeling DEAR MAN to another staff in front of clients.
“Hey, can we talk privately after group about the schedule? I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
A client curses at you after being redirected. How do you maintain self-respect?
FAST – stay fair and truthful, don’t over-apologize or argue.
What does “Mindful” mean in DEAR MAN?
Staying focused on the goal, not getting pulled into side arguments or distractions.
Give an example of using GIVE when redirecting a dysregulated client.
“I can tell you’re upset right now (Validate). Let’s take a quick walk and talk about it (Gentle + Easy manner).”
When should a BHS not apologize?
When apologizing would reinforce inappropriate behavior or compromise professional boundaries.
What’s the difference between modeling and teaching?
Modeling shows through action; teaching explains. Both are necessary for learning.
A client repeatedly interrupts group for attention. Which DBT skill can you model to set a limit compassionately?
DEAR MAN (“I need you to let others speak so everyone can share.”)
What are the two interpersonal goals DEAR MAN helps achieve?
Getting your needs met and maintaining self-respect while communicating effectively.
How can GIVE prevent power struggles?
It keeps communication warm and human, reducing defensiveness and modeling emotional regulation.
How does FAST help prevent burnout?
It allows staff to communicate boundaries clearly and respectfully, reducing resentment and stress.
How can modeling GIVE or FAST de-escalate a crisis?
It demonstrates calm, empathy, and boundary-setting; regulating the environment and client simultaneously.
A staff feels overwhelmed and snaps at a peer. Which DBT skill helps them repair the relationship?
GIVE – gentle tone, validation, and interest in repairing.