DEARMAN
Letter in DEARMAN used when you stick to the facts of the current situation.
What is D: Describe.
The "G" in GIVE means avoiding attacks, threats, judgments, and criticism.
Gentle
The "F" in FAST means being this way to yourself and avoiding unnecessary apologies.
Fair
Before an interpersonal interaction, DBT asks you to identify which of these three goals is most important: getting your objective, maintaining the relationship, or maintaining this.
Self-respect
Your roommate asks you to do something you don't want to do. Which DBT skill would you likely use to make a clear request or say no?
DEARMAN
Component of DEARMAN where you make your intentions clearly known by ASKING for what you want or SAYING NO clearly.
What is A: ASSERT.
The "I" in GIVE involves showing interest in what the other person is saying instead of only waiting for your turn to talk
act Interested
Can you apologize during FAST?
Yes, just don't over apologies!
If your main goal is getting the other person to do something or obtaining what you need, this is your priority.
Objectives Effectiveness
Someone says, "You're being selfish for saying no." You want to respond without attacking them while still holding your boundary. Name ONE skill from GIVE or FAST that could help.
Be Gentle, Be Fair, No Apologies, or Stick to Values
Component of DEARMAN where you let others know the positive benefits, or clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
What is R: Reinforce.
This GIVE skill involves acknowledging that another person's feelings or perspective make sense, even if you don't agree with them.
Validate
The "S" in FAST means not abandoning your beliefs or values just to get someone to like you or avoid conflict.
Stick to your values
If your main goal is preserving the relationship, even if you don't get exactly what you want, this is your priority.
Relationship effectiveness
You apologize repeatedly for asking your partner to help with household responsibilities, even though it is a reasonable request. Which FAST skill could help you?
no Apologies
During a conversation, someone changes the subject and tries to get you to give up your request. This DEAR MAN skill involves continuing to return to your request.
Stay Mindful or Broken Record
The "E" in GIVE encourages us to use this type of attitude or manner when appropriate.
Easy Manner
What is the main goal of FAST?
Maintaining self respect
Before choosing which interpersonal skills to use, DBT encourages you to ask this question: "What do I want to happen?"
identifying your objective/goal
You need to tell a close friend that something they did hurt you. You want to clearly communicate the problem, preserve the friendship, and act in a way that respects your values. Name the THREE DBT skill sets you could use.
DEARMAN, GIVE, FAST
What is your primary goal for using DEAR MAN?
Getting what you want
Your friend is upset that you can't attend her birthday party. You say, "I can understand why you're disappointed. I know this was important to you." This is an example of this GIVE skill.
Validate
You disagree with your friends but pretend to agree because you're afraid they won't like you otherwise. Which FAST skill are you NOT using?
Stick to your values
You need to tell your boss that you can't work an extra shift. Your biggest concern is saying no without damaging your professional relationship. Which TWO effectiveness goals are likely most important?
Objective Effectiveness and Relationship Effectiveness
Your friend repeatedly cancels plans at the last minute. You feel frustrated and hurt, but you don't want to damage the friendship. The next time they cancel, you want to address it without attacking them or pretending that you're not upset. What skill could you use?