DEARMAN I
When do you use DEARMAN skills.
When asking for what you want or saying no to something.
The acronym DEAR stands for
Describe the situation
Express emotions
Assert what you want
Reinforce the other person
The Give skills are used to _______ a relationship.
Keep or Improve
When would you use the FAST skill?
Keeping your dignity/increasing self-respect
What is the state of mind we need to access before we can use skills effectively, between emotion mind and rational mind
Wise mind
What is Describe
Describe the current situation.
Stick to the facts.
Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to
MAN of DEARMAN stands for
(be) Mindful
Appear confident
Negotiate
What is the Give Skill
Approaching someone in an easy manner, being gentle, interesting and validating to their thoughts and emotions.
What does the acronym FAST stand for?
(be) Fair to yourself
(no) apologies
Stick to your values
(be) Truthful
Name the "what" skills
Observe
Describe
Participate
TRUE OR FALSE
Using "You're always late... You should do this" are good examples of to EXPRESS in DEARMAN
False
Express your feelings using "I" statements
How could you be MINDFUL when making a request?
Be present: don't bring up past events
Stay on topic: avoid ranting
Ignore personal attacks
Repeat your ask if necessary
TRUE OR FALSE
Once you've been friends or partners with someone for a while and things are going smooth, it is okay to start regularly tuning out when they talk to you.
FALSE
Why?
What does being FAIR in FAST mean?
Be fair to yourself and the other person when trying to resolve the problem.
What are the three possible goals of any interpersonal interaction
Accomplish objectives, maintain relationships, and increase self-respect
How would you make an effective ASK of your teacher?
Am I able to get a week's extension on my paper?
What is Negotiate?
Be willing to give to get.
Offer and ask others for solutions to the problem.
Say no but offer to do something else
Use a little humor and smile are part of which GIVE skill
Easy Manner
True or False
It is a good idea to start off any conflict by apologizing, even if you did nothing wrong.
FALSE
When two things that seem like they contradict each other are actually both true
What is a "dialectic"
Give 3 examples of how you could appear confident during a DEARMAN interaction
Eye Contact
Superman Pose
Use a confident voice tone and physical manner
What does the R in DEARMAN stand for? Give an example
Reinforce - Thank them, offer a favor in return.
"I would really appreciate it"
"I would be happy to walk your dog in return"
NO attacks, No threats, no judging, no sneering....
are part of the _______ in GIVE
be GENTLE... be nice and respectful
Having fun, helping others, and family are examples of...
Values
VALIDATE THIS: You never help me with chores
I know that I've been slacking in getting chores done with work being so busy. I will set aside time tomorrow to help, are there specific chores that you'd like me to help with?