DEARMAN
Letter in DEARMAN used when you stick to the facts of the current situation.
What is D: Describe.
The most important component of this four letter acronym is to validate.
What is GIVE
Name two myths that may get in the way of using interpersonal effectiveness skills.
Answers will vary. Examples: I am mean/rude/a bad person if I set boundaries. If I ask for help I am weak. Other people should just know how I am feeling; I shouldn't have to tell them.
A skill in conversations where we are not necessarily agreeing with the other person, but we are acknowledging how their response makes sense in some way.
Validation
Letter of DEARMAN where you make your intentions clearly known by ASKING for what you want or SAYING NO clearly.
What is A: ASSERT.
The most important component of the four letter acronym is to maintain self-respect.
What is FAST
Provide an example of how your short-term goals may get in the way of your long-term goals in an interpersonal interaction?
Answers will vary.
Everything is made of opposing forces/opposing sides. When we balance opposite points of view in conversations, we are using what?
What are Dialectics?
Letter of DEARMAN where you let others know the positive benefits of getting what you want or need, or clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
What is R: Reinforce.
While using this "flavor" of DEARMAN, we do not over apologize.
What is FAST
When we use observe, describe, and participate in interpersonal conversations we are using what IE skill?
Mindfulness of Others
Name 3 ways you can "expand the V" in Validation.
pay attention, reflect back, understand, "read minds", acknowledge the valid
At this letter of DEARMAN, it is important to use a confident voice, make good eye contact and to avoid stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, or retreating.
What is A: Appear Confident
Name two levels of validation that help "expand the V" in GIVE
What is pay attention, reflect back, read minds, understand, acknowledge the valid, show equality.
What does "read minds" mean in the context of validating others?
Pay attention to what is not being said. Look at nonverbal cues that are incongruent with what is being said.
Name two ways to self-validate.
Check all the facts, practice radical acceptance of yourself, self-sooth, remember that being invalidated is rarely a complete catastrophe, or other examples are acceptable.
If DEARMAN is not working effectively, this is a way to ask the other person how they would get what they want or say no if they were you.
What is Turn the Tables
Do a DEARMAN to another person in the room while using GIVE to maintain the relationship. Ask the other person to join you for dinner.
Performs acceptable demonstration of the DEARMAN-GIVE.
What are 3 factors it would be helpful to explore or questions it would be helpful to ask if your interpersonal effectiveness skills are not working?
1) Do I have the skills I need?
2) Do I know what I really want in this interaction?
3) Are my short-term goals getting in the way of my long-term goals?
4) Are my emotions getting in the way of using my skills?
5) Are worries, assumptions, or myths getting in the way?
6) Is the environment more powerful than my skills?
Explain how to reinforce a behavior.
Add positive consequences or remove aversive consequences (other creative examples are acceptable). IE Handout 22.