DEAR MAN
Letter in DEAR MAN used when you stick to the facts of the current situation.
What is D: Describe.
Name one of the four Don’ts mentioned in the letter G
Any of the following: attack, threat, judge, sneer
What is your primary priority when using FAST?
Maintaining self-respect
Using DEAR MAN, how could you EXPRESS in the following scenario:
Your roommate consistently leaves dirty clothes on your side of the room and does not clean up their trash.
ex: "I feel frustrated and not respected when I keep seeing trash and dirty clothes on my side of the room."
Your boss needs you to work but you already have important plans.
What is you Priority? What skill would you use?
Priority: Objective (getting need met / saying no)
Skill: DEAR MAN
Component of DEAR MAN where you make your intentions clearly known by ASKING for what you want or SAYING NO clearly.
What is A: ASSERT.
What is the purpose of the V in GIVE?
Validating: showing that you understand the other person's thoughts and feelings about the situation.
Can you apologize when using FAST?
Yes - BUT avoid over-apologizing, only apologize when you have genuinely made a mistake.
Using the FAST skill, how would you STICK (to your values) in the following scenario:
Your friend wants you to steal some money from your sister.
ex: "I do not feel comfortable stealing from others."
Explain how to reinforce a behavior.
Add positive consequences or remove aversive consequences.
Component of DEAR MAN where you let others know the positive benefits, or clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
What is R: Reinforce.
Component of GIVE where you might smile and use humor to lighten the mood.
E: Easy Manner
FAST involves sticking to your values. Which one of the following is not a value?
What is: Getting a promotion
Use FAST to respond to the following:
At a holiday party someone makes a racist comment. You are offended but you do not want to start an argument.
ex: "I'd prefer if we talked about something else." OR change the subject.
“Broken Record” is when you keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over. Keep your voice calm and even while doing this.
Which skill does this strategy belong to?
*50 bonus points: Identify which letter within the skill.
DEAR MAN
Bonus: M- (Stay) Mindful
Which request is more effective?
A) “I want to be discharged because I have continuously attended groups, have not gotten into any fights, and have taken my medication consistently.”
OR
B) “I need to be discharged because I’ve been really good.”
A) “I want to be discharged because I have continuously attended groups, have not gotten into any fights, and have taken my medication consistently.”
True or False – Validation is fixing, offering solutions, or giving advice.
False
Which one of the following is an example of not being truthful?
All of the above
Using GIVE, how would you VALIDATE in the following situation:
Your teenage son has a new girlfriend that seems to be getting him into trouble.
ex: "I know you really like your girlfriend and she is important to you."
(AND I'm concerned about your choices recently when you have spent time with her)
The N in DEAR MAN stands for negotiate. What are ways to negotiate when you cannot come to a solution?
Compromise: be willing to give to get; reduce your request.
Turn the Tables: Ask for alternative solutions: “What do you think we should do?” “I’m not able to say yes, and you seem to really want me to. What can we do here?” “How can we solve this problem?”
What is your primary priority when using DEAR MAN?
Meeting your objective: Getting needs met or saying no.
(Objectives effectiveness)
Name three ways you can act interested.
Any of the following: Maintain eye contact, active/reflective listening, nodding, body language, not interrupting, no multitasking
F stands for Fair.
When you are being Fair, who are you being fair to?
Yourself and Others
Which of the following is an example of validation: A peer is having a lot of problems with symptoms lately. He is getting into trouble with staff and breaking rules. He asks you to lie for him so that he can stay out of further trouble.
1. You say, “You’re really worried about being in trouble, and I can understand that, but I can’t lie and get into trouble too. Let’s find another solution.”
2. You immediately go tell staff on him.
3. You try to avoid him. When he approaches you, you say, “I can’t talk right now, I have to go do my laundry.”
4. You say, “I understand that you don’t want to get in trouble. I will cover for you.”
1. You say, “You’re really worried about being in trouble, and I can understand that, but I can’t lie and get into trouble too. Let’s find another solution.”
Describe how you might appear confident.
Make good eye contact, speak clearly, do not whisper