DEAR MAN
This is what the "D" in DEAR MAN stands for
What is Describe
GIVE focuses on protecting this.
What is the relationship
FAST helps maintain this
What is self-respect
These are the three priorities of interpersonal effectiveness.
Objective, Relationship, Self-Respect
This myth gets in the way of people asking for help.
What is "asking for help makes me weak."
Answers may vary.
This step of DEAR MAN tells you to ask directly for what you want.
What is Assert
the "V" in GIVE stands for this.
What is Validate.
The "T" in FAST means this.
What is Truthful
If your goal is getting what you want, this type of effectiveness is most relevant.
What is Objective Effectiveness
Describe the difference between an emotion myth and an interpersonal myth
Emotion myths are things we learn that are untrue about having/experiencing emotions.
Interpersonal myths are things we learn that are untrue about how we relate to/respond to/experience other people.
Your roommate keeps leaving dishes in the sink for days. Come up with the "D" and "E" parts of a DEAR MAN to address this.
Describe: "The dishes have been left in the sink for several days."
Express: "It stresses me out and makes the kitchen hard to use."
A friend is upset with you but you feel defensive. What's one validating statement you could use?
"I can see why you'd feel that way."
"Your feelings make a lot of sense given what happened."
"I can't give you money."
Your partner forgot something important to you. Which priority might matter most - objective, relationship, or self-respect - and why?
Open-ended, answers may vary
A participant says, "If I assert myself, I'll just make things worse." Identify the myth and the reality.
Reality: Assertiveness often improves clarity and reduces resentment.
Your friend often cancels plans last minute. Create the "A" and "R" of a DEAR MAN to ask for more follow-through.
Assert: "I need you to let me know earlier if plans need to change."
Reinforce: "If you tell me sooner, we can plan things that work better for both of us."
Someone you care about makes a mistake and is embarrassed. How could you use an "Easy Manner" to help the conversation?
What is relaxed body posture, humor if appropriate, gentle tone
Your coworker asks you to stay late but you promised yourself you'd leave on time. Show one "T" statement (Truthful) that keeps your boundary.
"I told myself that I would leave on time, so I can't stay late today."
You need a refund for a service you didn't receive but you want to remain polite. Identify which two priorities you are balancing.
What is Objective and Relationship priorities
Someone believes that they should never need to ask for what they want in a relationship. Identify the myth
"Others should automatically know what I need."
Your boss keeps adding tasks to your workload without asking. Create a full DEAR MAN showing how you'd set a boundary.
Describe: "I've noticed that I am consistently and unexpectedly being assigned new tasks over the past 2 weeks."
Express: "I'm feeling overwhelmed because I make my work plans and then have to fit in these new requests."
Assert: "I need you to tell me in advance about any extra assignments or tasks that need to completed."
Reinforce: "This will help me be more productive and efficient with my time, and I will be able to get these tasks completed for you on time. The quality of my work will be better as well because I'll have more time to prepare."
Mindful: Remain mindful of 4 point check and my boss's body language. Insert broken record statement (Assert statement) if needed.
Appear Confident: Body language towards my boss, eye contact, open body language, strong tone of voice
Negotiate: "A solution I'd like to offer is having my assignments for the day by 9:00 am. Do you have any other ideas that might work?
Your goal is to maintain closeness while addressing a misunderstanding. Which skill set - DEAR MAN, GIVE, or FAST - would you prioritize?
What is GIVE because the priority is the relationship
A family member dismisses your feelings. Create a FAST response that protects your self-respect.
Fair: Acknowledge their viewpoint without attacking.
No Apologies: Don't apologize for having feelings.
You want to say no but you are afraid of upsetting someone. What skill or process should you use before acting?
Clarifying priorities or Wise Mind
Create your own interpersonal myth and rewrite it into a DBT-aligned truth.
Open ended, answers may vary