Dialectics
I am doing the best I can __ I need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change
And
Examples: If you are not perfect, you are a total loser. If you don't get everything you want, you have nothing.
All or nothing, black and white thinking
Which dialetical dilemma? An adolescent comes home from school and takes a nap because they are tired. The parents believes they must be depressed.
Making too much of typical adolescent behavior - making light of problem behavior
This communicates to another person that their feelings, thoughts, and actions make sens and are understandable to you in a particular situation.
Validation
Consequences that result in an increase in a behavior
Reinforcement
Two things that seem like or are opposiates that can both be true
Dialectics
You believe you know what other people are thinking even without asking. "He clearly doesn't think I will do a good job."
Mind reading
Which dialectical dilemma? 0 rules, no limits on screen time, no bed time, no homework requirements
Too loose - too strict
This involves perceing our own feelings, thoughts and actions as making sense, accurate, and acceptable in a particular situation
A consequence that results in a decrease in behavior
Punishment
Dialectics "How to" Guide 6. Do not __ that you know what others are thinking.
Assume
You tell yourself that the positive experiences, actions, or qualities do not count. I did well it that one game because I got lucky
Disqualifying the positive
Which dialectical dilemma? Making a 14 year old make all of their appointments and go grocery shopping alone.
Forcing Independence - Fostering Dependence
True or false: Validation = agreement
False
Increases the frequency of a behavior by providing or adding a "rewarding" consequence.
Positive Reinforcement
Acceptance and change =
Middle Path
You see yourself as the cause for things you have absolutely no control over or are the target of things that may have absolutely nothing to do with you. "My parents divorced because of me."
Personalization
Give an example of a balance between too loose and too strict
Leaders Decide
This communicates (intentionally or not, through words or actions) that another person's feelings, thoughts, and actions in a particular situation make no sense, are "manipulative," or "stupid," or an "overreaction," or not worthy of your time, interest, or respect.
Invalidation
Increases the frequency of a behavior by removing something negative; it's relief from something unpleasant.
Negative Reinforcement
Find the __ of truth in every side by asking, "What is being left out?"
Truth
You start thinking your emotions are facts. I feel stupid so I am stupid.
Emotional reasoning
A situation where you have to find the middle path where there are 2 or more conflicting opinions, beliefs, rules, thoughts etc., that require balancing perspectives
Dialectical Dilemma
1. Actively pay attention, make eye contact, and stay focused
2. Be mindful of verbal and nonverbal reasions
3. Observe what the other person is feeling in the moment
4. Reflect the feeling back without jugement
5. Look for how the feelings, thoughts , or actions make sense given the history and current situation
6. Respond in a way that shows you are taking them seriously
How to validate
Reinforcing small steps that lead toward the ultimate gale (going from A to Z in 26 steps and each step is rewarded.
Shaping