Restatement
I stopped taking my medicine after I was fired and I’m sleeping in my car.
"You stopped taking your medicine" or "You were fired" or "You're sleeping in your car"
I’m afraid of sleeping in the car. How can I ever get a room without money?
"I can hear you are scared" or "You sound really concerned/worried"
I started drinking again and me and my wife went to fighting. She left me telling me it was my last chance. I didn’t go to work today. It was my last chance and they ended up firing me. It’s just not worth it anymore.
Let me see if I understand- You stared drinking again, you fought with your wife and she left you? or...
You can also add You started drinking again, your wife left you, and you got fired?
Feeding back and clarifying FACTS that a person has presented. A small snippet of what a person says - a fact.
Restatement
Give and example of an "I" statement
"I want to help you" or "I think what I'm understanding is..." or whatever "I" statement your coach accepts :)
I don't know why you're here. I don't need any help. I just need to be left alone.
"You don't know why your here" or "You don't need any help" or "You want to be left alone"
It is always my fault. They say it is in my head. I think they want to hurt me. Are you going to hurt me, too?
Afraid/Scared, frustrated
My husband keeps playing games with me. He is so manipulative. He is telling everyone it is my fault, that I am a bad mother saying I am unstable. I can’t help it if I get depressed at times. Life can be so tough and overwhelming. Now he is trying to keep me from seeing my own kids. I have the court papers that give me custody and he won’t send them back. What do I do?
Your husband is manipulative, says your a bad mom and is trying to keep the kids from you?
You can also add.. You also get depressed and things feel overwhelming.
Feeding back a person's feelings they are expressing
Reflection
When your body language and verbal response match.
Congruence
I don't know why this happened to me. I am so scared. I don't want to go home. I don't have a home to go to.
"You don't know why this happened to you." or "You are scared." or "You don't want to go home." or "You don't have a home [to go to]"
I don't know what to do. If I can't make them stop spying on me then I might die. I don't want to die but I am afraid there is no choice.
Scared, nervous, anxious, worried, helpless
I went dancing over the weekend. I did some cocaine and danced until they turned the lights on. Then I went to the strip club and I didn't leave until 5am. I went home and got a couple hours of sleep before I went shopping. I didn't get a lot of sleep but I had fun.
"You went dancing over the weekend, did some cocaine then went to the strip club." You can also add "you only got a little sleep then went shopping".
A question used to prompt a conversation and cannot be answered with Yes or No
Open-ended questions
An accurate statement of another person's experience and reflection of their feelings. This conveys understanding, helps others to feel understood and supported, creates connection and establishes rapport.
Empathy
I just don't know what to do any more. Nothing I do makes them happy. They think I'm a failure. I'm better off not being here.
"You don't know what to do" or "You can't make them happy" or "make them happy" or "they think you're a failure?" or "not being here?"
I'm tired. I'm done. I'm no good. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
I can hear you sound.. hopeless or worthless or overwhelmed or tired of this
I have 2 dogs - one is super anxious and the other is a diva. Alone I can handle one or the other, but together it's a lot. They feed off each other and if one barks, it's a solid 5 minutes before I can get them to both stop. I have chronic migraines. When they get to barking I just want it all to end.
"You have 2 dogs that feed off each other and when they start barking it's hard to get them to stop. It makes it hard when you have a migraine"
Subtle non-verbal actions and short verbal responses that show you are listening and help keep a person talking
Minimal encouragers
Things you learn from a person that may escalate their behaviors or damage rapport
Trigger
Yesterday, I went to the market and bought some grapes. I was craving grapes. Then I got overwhelmed with the choices of different types of grapes. What happened to just having green and red grapes?
"You bought grapes" or "you were craving grapes" or "overwhelmed"
**DAILY DOUBLE**
I don't want to live anymore. I have no one left. This has gone on long enough. Can you please just shoot me?
You sound... hopeless, alone, tired...
I asked my boyfriend to leave and he said no. So, I went to get lunch with my friend. On the way back I called my son and told him that I was going to kill my boyfriend when I got home. Then I called the police and told them I was going to kill him. It's the voices in my head that tell me to do it.
"You asked your boyfriend to leave and he said no so you left with a friend. Then you called your son and the police and told them you were going to kill your boyfriend"
Being present and focused on an individual's body language, tone, and what they are saying.
Attending
**DAILY DOUBLE**
Things you find to build rapport.
Double points only if you identify one of these for either your CIT Coach, LEO CIT feedback person or Clinical CIT feedback person.
Hook