Route 66
Why is saying goodbye important for grieving teens?
- Goodbye or 'see you later' = acknowledging the death
-May support the teen in discovering ways of building a "new" relationship with the person who died and accommodating to the reality of the death
- Teen may carry feelings of guilt, anger, or regret all impacting the grieving process
How could relationship with peers change after the death of someone in their life?
- They don't want to look different
- Don't want to be treated differently
- Don't want people to 'tip toe' around their feelings
- May assume peers won't understand
- Added responsibilities
How might relationships change with parents, guardians, and other significant adults for a teenager after a death?
What is the fear of losing another important person in their life, so they may want to stay close to a specific person to prevent further loss or harm.
Camper may feel more attached to a particular counselor - support it, acknowledge it, but don't feed it. Who is it serving really? Tap out and draw some boundaries to widen that support. We are here to give them the tools, we are not the coping tool.
Can become overprotective of their surviving parents and some anxiety about their wellbeing.
Alternatively, they may want to push the boundaries or test the limits. Parents may be feeling that attachment and teenager may resist that parental attachment or caregiver protection or counselor guidance.
Share some behaviors that may not be typically associated with the teenage years that may present themselves after someone dies.
- New behaviors may surface and behaviors may increase in frequency or intensity
- Bedwetting
- Afraid of the dark
- Changes in eating patterns
*Application grief behaviors
How does cognitive grief show itself?
- They way you think about things (like life, death, dying, community, etc.). The dimensions that holds what we believe to be true.
- Talk about it
Define rituals and the role they play in a young person's grief process.
- Rituals: memorials, funerals, candle lightings, balloon releases, sitting shiva, social media posts
- Ritual of 'See You Later'
- Ritual of Transition
- Ritual of Forgiveness (of self or others)
- Rituals help kids/teens acknowledge the reality of death and provide a space for support, shared memories, and community response.
- These ceremonies can offer comfort and structure as well as connection during an overwhelming time.
- They could help in confirming the finality of the loss, this ritual happened to honor this person that is not coming back.
What is our role as a counselor when supporting emotions?
Normalize and validate that crying, sadness, anger, guilt, relief are all acceptable emotions and part of the grieving process.
*It's not our place to tell a kid how to feel or what they are feeling is wrong, it is our role to create a space for them to feel what they are feeling and feel safe while doing so.
* Be open to sitting in the uncomfortable with them.
* Can't go under, can't go over, gotta go through it.
* Name it to tame it
Share some tools that may be helpful to a teenager when exploring their emotions or grief.
- Artistic activities
- Collages
- Journaling
- Music / songwriting
- Poetry
- Drama / role play
Thinking with this age group, what are 'red flags' that may compromise safety?
- Sexual innuendos or commentary
- Flirting / crushes
- Suicidal thoughts
- Mention of self harm or harm to others
- Disclosures of abuse or neglect, whether that is sexual, physical, emotional.
How does emotional grief show itself?
- The feelings like regret, sadness, guilt, anger, resentment, curiosity, joy, etc.
- They have the right to feel everything.
- They can switch so fast and may even contradict eachother.
- Can be easily triggered by the senses
Why may a teenagers grief be more complicated
- They already have the normal adolescent struggles of being in "the awkward years"
- Seeking independence
- Need for privacy
- Peer pressure being present
- Importance of "fitting in"
- Trying to establish their sense of self
Why is it important to take a teenager's talk about suicide seriously, in general and after a loss?
- Teenagers in crisis may feel isolated in their grief
- May feel like their emotional pain will never end
- "Be with their person", tell me more about that
- Any suicidal threats must be taken seriously and responded to immediately - never ignored.
- Structure helps to create safety, sense of ownership, and understanding of expectations
- Able to understanding the impact of their choices
- If you set those expectations with your cabin and they are broken
- If you already have those clear expectations and boundaries, then you are hopefully setting them up for success by reducing potential for acting out or behaviors
What can you do as a counselor help build sense of achievement?
- Offer opportunities for success, no matter how small
- Rotating leadership roles
-Encouraging decision-making
- Framing every experience as a chance to learn and grow to help boost self-esteem
How does physical grief show itself?
- Symptoms in the body with no medical cause such as headache, stomachache, etc.
Why is it important for adults to be open with their own grief around children and teens?
-if parents/adults are open and honest about their grief, children and teens are more likely to feel safe expressing their emotions and asking questions
-here at camp - sharing your story a you feel comfortable and asking yourself "why am I sharing? will this support the conversation?'
Are all expressions of grief okay?
- No, not every expression is okay. The emotions behind that are okay, you just have to find another outlet.
- Just because grief can explain behaviors, does not make them safe or appropriate especially in the camp setting. Not an excuse, but an explanation.
- You can still be mad, you can still express wanting to punch, but we have to work on those coping pieces of how to express.
Why is it important for campers to become familiar with the camp layout and routine?
- Gives them a sense of structure, safety, and stability.
- Familiarity with the physical layout, routines, and guidelines helps campers feel safe, secure, and comfortable in their new environment, reducing anxiety and encouraging participation.
Is the grief process linear?
No, it is fluid and you might not experience all of the emotions.
- Grieving individuals don't go through "stages" but rather move through "tasks" that can occur alongside a range of emotions
- There is no "shoulds"
How does social grief show itself?
- Avoidance of feelings through over involvement in social world
- Engagement in risky social behaviors due to vulnerability and need to fit in
- Withdrawal from previously enjoyed activities
- "Honoring" deceased with new involvement or more devoted involvement
What are things to consider for the particular age group at this week of camp?
Group activities help foster a sense of belonging.
Peers are highly important
Society has already imprinted "don't talk about it"
Their starting to think about their futures - who am I and what is my purpose?
They know its irreversable
They start to feel the vulnerability of the mortality
Highly connected to the world through social media in so many different ways
What ifs and the whys
Why is recognition important for campers and why should it be balanced?
- Building trust, affirm and motivate but not foster exclusion piece. Helps them feel accepted and valued as part of the group.
How can we prevent boredom at camp?
To prevent boredom and reduce the risk of homesickness, counselors should introduce new or creative activities and model enthusiasm and an adventurous spirit to keep campers engaged.
Boredom can lead to negative behaviors as well.
When a child avoids peers and previously enjoyed activities.
What is withdrawal or isolation?
How does spiritual grief show itself?
- Who am I?
- How they look at the world and their role in it
- Searching for meaning
- Being "good"
- Curiosity
- Going to church more or less, distrust of any higher being, questioning previously held beliefs
- Teens have a right to use their beliefs (heaven, etc) to deal with grief. We aren't expected to have those answers nor should we project our own beliefs