Identity Conversation
Why We Argue
Have Your Feelings
The Problem
100
Am I competent Am I a good person Am I worthy of love
What are three core identities?
100
Listen to THEIR story
How can I move from certainty to curiosity?
100
Judgements- Attributions- Characterization- Problem solving
What are "Translated Feelings"?
100
Looking inward Who we are How do I see myself
What is the Identity Conversation?
200
Let go of controlling reactions Prepare for response Take a break
What is Learning to Regain Balance
200
Embrace both stories
What is the "And Stance"
200
Leaking, clogged emotional pipes Problem exclusively the disagreement Blocked listening ability
What is Framing Feelings Out of the Problem?
200
Sharing emotional responses to situations
What is the Feelings Conversation?
300
Denial Exaggeration The all or nothing syndrome
What are Vulnerable Identities
300
They're selfish They're naive They're controlling
Why do we think they're the problem?
300
Express full spectrum of feelings Don't evaluate - just share!
What is Don't Vent - Describe Feelings Carefully?
300
There's more than meets the ear Really 3 conversations
What is Decoding the Structure of Difficult Conversations?
400
I will make mistakes My intentions are complex I have contributed to the problem
What are things to accept about yourself?
400
Our observations Our interpretations Our conclusions
Why do we see the world differently than someone else?
400
Get everything you're feeling into the conversation Examine your perception of those feelings
What is Negotiate Your Feelings?
400
Truth assumption Intention Invention Blame Frame
What is the "What Happened Conversation"?
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