Building Persistance
Ezra wants constant help building with his legos. Mom steps in and completes the project for him.
DON'T. Allowing a child to struggle builds resilience and self-esteem. It is ok to let your child struggle a bit, but monitor before total frustration sets in
Jacob is a 12 year old with ASD. His mom knows that social situations are stressful for him, so to help him avoid anxiety, she serves as his “spokesperson”.
DON'T. Overprotective parents unwittingly create chronic dependency in their children. Reassess the support you give your child on a regular basis. Pull back as your child’s ability to handle the situation increases.
Alice may be underachieving because she is afraid of failure. Parents can help provide an experience of failure in a non-threatening environment.
DO. Encourage the student to experiment and treat unsuspecting attempts as a learning tool.
John’s mom fills out his college applications for him so he gets into the best school. They decided years ago he would be a Computer Scientist.
DON'T. “Prepare your child for the path. Do not prepare the path for your child.”
Michael complains that he is not in the highest reading group and is mad that kids who are not as smart as him are in it. His mom says that he needs to work harder.
DO. The most important way to develop abilities is through practice. It is also important for students to compare their performance with their own previous performance rather than with others around them.
The child is frustrated and wants to immediately give up on a project, however, the parent doesn’t allow the student to quit.
DO. Frustrations can occur often day to day in real life. The ability to recognize frustration and understand those emotions will help increase coping skills when faced with frustrating situations as an adult.
Ava’s parents frequently get updates that she is not turning in assignments, missing deadlines and not following directions. They believe in separating home from school, and leave it up to the teachers to support Ava in these areas
DO. Home provides a safe haven for students and an area where they can let go. While parents should become well versed in advocating for their children, the school should ultimately support her growth.
Parents seek out mentors for their gifted students to help the students understand their giftedness.
DO. Provide role models who achieve academically as well as outside of the classroom in areas of athletics, the arts or other creative outlets
Amanda is having difficulty with friends at school and does not want to go. Her mom makes her go to school and gives her talking points for her peers.
DO. Kids need to know the resilience of handling life when it knocks them down. We do not produce leaders and teach life lessons when life is particularly easy for them.
Carla’s parents are not nurturing, but have very high expectations for her. As a result, she has always excelled and had success.
DON'T. Along with high expectations, showing your children that you care is very important. Caring, along with high standards encourage motivation.
Mary wants to sign her daughter up for a summer coding camp. Her daughter has never done coding before, is not sold on the idea but mom thinks it would be a good challenge.
DO. Gifted students should be put in positions or scenarios where they need to think independently, figure things out and learn from mistakes. A low stress summer activity would be a great place to enhance a growth mindset.
Alex moved to a new school. His new peers and teachers are not fond of his expressive and impulsive behavior caused by ADHD. Alex has begun to get bullied by other students. The school says that “kids will be kids” and his parents are letting them handle it.
DON'T. It is important that Alex’s parents educate the school about 2E students and express that bullying will not be tolerated. Finding other outlets for Alex to participate in could also help him release energy and meet likeability peers.
The student expresses that classes are too difficult or boring and the student wants to quit.
DON'T. We don’t want to give up when the student expresses thoughts of quitting. Discuss the Growth Mindset theory and learn how all experiences, positive or negative and become valuable learning experiences.
Suzy’s mom always wants to build her up and lets her know each day that she is the smartest, prettiest and funniest girl in the world!
DON'T. Try not to use “-est” words to describe children. This can become difficult if someone else is stronger than them at something and they worry about losing their identity.
Dimitri is upset that his classroom work is tedious, but easy. His dad says that he needs to do what the teacher asks of him.
DON'T. Children are very motivated when they have a hand in designing their own learning opportunities. Further, they should be made aware of the purpose behind what they are learning.
Dad is working on a 1000 piece puzzle and gets frustrated and decides to quit and not complete the task. He tells his child that it was too difficult so he gave up.
DON'T. Parents play a critical role in the development of building persistence. Setting a positive example by not giving up and having the courage to try new experiences, even the difficult ones, will provide an impactful example of being persistent.
Gemma’s teacher is not allowing her to attend her gifted program because it coincides with her reading intervention. Gemma’s parents are very upset and schedule a meeting, demanding that she participate in her programming.
DON'T. Before proposing a solution, it is important to make sure that the problem is fully understood and evaluated, considering all perspectives. Proposed solutions need to benefit the whole child and should not cut off the arm at the expense of the foot.
Parents only praise their child when the student receives the highest mark in the class.
DON'T. Students who only receive praise for perfection may begin to underachieve to get away from the pressure of having to always be at the top. Celebrate the effort as well as the accomplishments, even if they are not perfect.
Braxton saw his dad struggle with a project and could not believe he got so frustrated.
DO. Allowing your child to see you fail shows that it is a part of life and models a growth mindset.
Chris has become increasingly afraid of making mistakes and that his become an obstacle for his social and academic development. Chris’ parents have had many discussions with him that his value is not solely based on his academic achievements.
DO. Often times perfectionism can be a mental obstacle in the development of a gifted student. Helping the student understand that his worth is not defined solely on grades, will allow him to relax and enjoy learning and socializing with peers.
Mark completed a project he has spent weeks trying to complete. He tried his best, but definitely has some areas for improvement. Dad looks at it and says he did ok but can do better.
DON'T. While it is certainly acceptable to give your honest opinion, we must also take a moment to praise the effort. Mark worked for weeks on this project, and even though there are some rough patches, we should let Mark know we are proud of his effort and his work ethic. Showing him that we respect his hard work will help enhance his persistence level and will not be hesitant to attempt a difficult project in the future.
Collin’s parents have joined a group of other parents with 2E students to help them understand the nuances of parenting these students with very unique gifts. Collin gets mad that they are talking about him to other families.
DO. Seeking out the expertise of other people with experience in this area can be very beneficial. Honestly explaining to your child why you are seeking out support can help them understand it is to help them grow and thrive.
Mark has become disengaged from school and always does his homework at random times of the day, most often late at night. His parents have allowed him to create his own ‘schedule’ at home.
DON'T. Research shows that developing a regular pattern or schedule will help the student stay on task and focused, thus able to complete homework and other projects to the best of their ability.
Mo’s parents are frustrated that he cannot get out the door without multiple directions and he keeps forgetting many important items. Mo’s mother has to take a trip to school nearly every day bringing him something that he forgot.
DON'T. While it is important to support your child, scaffolding their needs is imperative. If the goal is for Mo to remember his items, there can be other resources such as a checklist or alarm reminders set. If Mo relies on his mom bringing him his forgotten items each day, he is not as motivated to remember them consistently.
Jericho does not work to his potential. His teacher questions why he is in the gifted program and his parents tell the teacher they understand her perspective and give her free reign to do what he needs for his deficit area.
DON’T. It is important that 2E students are encouraged to work to their full potential in their talent area, as well as focus on their area of growth. Gifted students have many different profiles, so it is important that teachers understand that one size does not fit all.