Defining Trauma
What is a traumatic event?
Events that are terrifying, shocking, sudden, and potentially threatening to life and safety.
What are some symptoms (challenges) that someone who has experienced trauma might have?
Being nervous or jumpy or feeling scared a lot, trouble getting along with others, moodiness, trouble sleeping, behavior problems, loss of interest in usual activities, avoiding reminders of the event. Many people experience bad dreams, flashbacks, distressing memories or images of the scary event while some people cannot remember parts of the event.
What is Domestic Violence (DV)?
It is when grownups in a relationship try to control each other through physical harm, threats, intimidation, put downs, isolation from friends or family, not taking responsibility for their behavior, withholding the kids or money.
How might kids who have witnessed domestic violence feel?
Guilty, as if they caused it or could have stopped it.
Mad, at either parent/caregiver.
Like they can't trust any adults.
Confused because they feel anger and love and fear and respect of the same person at the same time.
Worried about when it will happen again or if parent will live.
Children never get over witnessing domestic violence.
FALSE!
Children may never forget what happened - but with treatment, they can go on to have normal lives and healthy relationships.
What are 3 examples of traumatic events?
Natural disaster, sudden or violent loss of a loved one, war, acts of terrorism, serious accident or life threatening illness, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, community or school violence, witnessing or experiencing domestic violence.
What are some emotional impacts of children who experience trauma?
Children who have experienced trauma might feel fear, guilt, shame, sadness, depression, worry, helplessness and anger.
How many children witness domestic violence?
It is estimated that 3.3 million children in the US witness DV in their homes every year.
What thoughts might kids have who are seeing domestic violence?
It is my fault.
Why is this happening?
People hurt each other or hit to solve their problems.
Hitting/yelling is okay.
I am scared/upset/worried.
Do my parents care about/love each other?
Witnessing domestic violence means only seeing it.
FALSE!
Witnessing can mean SEEING violence, but it also means HEARING threats or fighting noises from another room. It can mean that children OBSERVE the aftermath of physical abuse such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing, and broken items.
Who can have a traumatic experience?
Anyone.
What is fight, flight, or freeze?
It is the survival mode our brain goes into when we are faced with danger. When we experience trauma, we go into survival mode more often.
*Fawn or flock are also stress responses.
Whose fault is it when domestic violence happens?
It is always the grownup who is being violent. It is never the child's fault or the grownup who is being hurt.
How can you tell if another kid has been through domestic violence?
You can't! Many kids experience domestic violence, and you would not be able to tell unless they told you.
Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife or between partners.
FALSE!
Domestic violence affects everyone in the family. It is estimated that 3.3 million children in the US witness domestic violence every year.
What is it called when we try to steer clear from situations, people, and reminders associated with the violence, or try not to think or talk about it?
Avoidance.
Avoiding something can actually increase your anxiety or fear about a situation.
How might experiencing a trauma impact how someone views others and the world?
Who commits domestic violence?
Anyone can commit domestic violence. It occurs across many different cultural backgrounds (race, ethnicity, economic/social class, religion, educational background, etc.).
When a person is violent or has aggressive or controlling behavior within the home and harms their spouse or partner, they are committing domestic violence.
What happens to kids who have experienced domestic violence when they grow up?
Without therapy, they may think violence/yelling is okay, might be afraid to be in relationship, or they might worry they might commit domestic violence themselves.
But with treatment and therapy, these kids can have healthy, loving, and caring relationships!
Children often have mixed feelings about the person who is being violent, esp. if they are a parent.
TRUE!
They might feel confused because they feel anger, love, fear, and respect at the same time for the same person.
What are trauma reminders?
People, places, things, situations, anniversaries, or even feelings that remind someone of their trauma.
How might trauma affect how a person views themself?
Someone may believe that the trauma was their fault and it may impact their self-esteem.
What are some examples of domestic violence?
Physical: Hitting, slapping, punching, choking, pushing, kicking
Emotional: Name calling, putting them down, making fun of them
Financial: Withholding money, controlling their bank account
Sexual: Inappropriately touching their genitals, making them touch their genitals
What are some reasons kids don't tell right away if they are experiencing domestic violence in their home?
They are afraid, they are worried their parents might be mad at them, they love the person who is doing the domestic violence, they are worried what might happen if they do tell, the person doing the domestic violence might have scared or threatened them into not telling, they might worry no one will believe them.
Children who have witnessed domestic violence might feel guilty and that it is their fault.
TRUE!
BUT: Domestic violence is never a child's fault. The person who chose to be violent is the one at fault.