Empathy
What is Empathy?
The skill of understanding and sharing the feelings of another person.
Putting yourself into the other persons shoes, etc.
When are you supposed to use a regulation tool?
Before you flip your lid, before you go into your downstairs brain. OR if your lid is flipped and you are in your downstairs brain trying to go back to your upstairs brain.
Pertaining to the I statement Formula, what is supposed to be written in the blank?
I feel ______
Your emotions. Reflective of yourself.
Why is perspective taking important to solving a conflict?
Because it allows us to understand eachother and hear the other side. It helps us move past the issue and come to an agreement.
What part of the brain are you using when you crash out?
Downstairs brain
True or False: You can solve a conflict even if you don't understand how the other person is feeling. Explain why it is true or false.
False because you need to understand their perspective and feelings to come to a resolution
What are warning signs?
Physical signs/reactions that we are about to go into our downstairs brain, have a big emotion, etc. Specific physical sign accepted.
True or False: An I-Statement attacks the other person and tells them they are wrong. Explain why it is true or false.
False, because an I statement talks about your own feelings and perspectives. It does not point the finger or attack.
True or false? Perspective taking can be done quickly and without any thinking. Explain your answer.
False, because you need to use your upstairs brain (thinking brain) to perspective take. It can take a while especially if you need to calm down.
This is the part of the brain that handles problem-solving, planning, and logic.
Upstairs brain
Name one thing you can look at—besides words—to tell what emotion a person is feeling.
Physical signs, warning signs, specific type of physical sign accepted
True/False? A regulation tool is used to make a problem go away. Explain why it is true/false.
False because a regulation tool helps you calm down and think clearly. It does not make a problem go away. It just helps you with being able to move towards solving the problem.
No, because an I statement takes a lot of thinking and reflecting. Ae can’t have empathy or solve conflicts when we are in our downstairs brain.
If you are able to understand and look at another person’s perspective, BUT they don‘t want to do the same for you, what are the next steps?
Take a break from each other, give it more time, try again when both sides are calm, etc.
When you use a Regulation Tool, where are you trying to do for Your brain?
Move to upstairs brain, prevent downstairs brain from taking over, calm down, slow down, etc.
Scenario: A friend is angry that you broke their toy. Why must you understand their feeling of sadness and anger before offering a way to fix it?
Because we need to have empathy and perspective taking first to understand how to come to a resolution. We can’t just rush to fix things without understanding and empathizing first.
Scenario: Your team lost the championship game. Name two silent or private regulation tools you can use immediately so you don't accidentally say something negative to a teammate.
taking deep breaths (or counting to 10), stepping away (or taking a walk), or stretching? (Must name two private/silent actions).
Scenario: Your partner keeps interrupting you. You say, "I feel unheard when you talk over me because I want my idea considered." How would we use repeating/paraphrasing to show we understand them?
Repeat or paraphrase what they heard “You feel unheard because I’m talking over you”, etc.
Scenario: Two friends want the same pencil. They decide to flip a coin. Why is a coin flip a poor example of a Win-Win solution/compromise?
Because only one person will get what they want. The other person won’t at all. A compromise means both sides get to have what they want.
When your downstairs brain is in charge, you are focused on reacting. When your upstairs brain is in charge, you are focused on what?
problem-solving (or logic, empathy, listening)
What is the difference between simply feeling sorry for someone and actually showing empathy in a conflict?
Empathy requires you to understand their perspective/need, while feeling sorry does not require action or perspective taking
You are trying to ignore a distracting noise (it is annoying you) If you stop ignoring it and shout at the source of the noise, what did you fail to do?
Regulate your emotions, calm yourself, prevent from going to your downstairs brain, not remain in your upstairs brain, etc.
Scenario: Your friend says, "I feel sad when you are mean to me." Explain why this is a weak I-Statement and how to fix it.
“Mean” is too vague and unclear. There is no mention of a need.
to fix it, say “I feel sad because (explain how they were mean). I need (to feel respected, to be heard, etc.)
Scenario: After hearing your friend's side, you realize they are right and you hurt their feelings. What things must your apology include to show you fully used your empathy and perspective-taking skills?
saying sorry AND explaining why the behavior was wrong (or validating their feeling and committing to a change)
any 2 of these accepted
When it comes to these skills that were taught (empathy, emotion regulation, conflict resolution) why does it feel weird to do at first? And how can you make them a habit? what is happening in the brain when you make a habit ?
Because we are not used to it, because the brain pathway is not as clear, because we haven’t don’t it enough times, because it takes time to build a habit, etc.
To build the habit we need to consciously put in the effort to do the action even though it doesnt feel natural at first.