Thesis Statements
What elements help constitute a strong thesis statement?
-Argumentative
-Has a clear stance
-Not factual or an observation
What is a claim?
An argument that unpacks the thesis statement, highlighting different features or facets.
Answers the "so what?" within the text. In other words, the analysis stresses the significance within the details.
"Twilight" or Twilight
Twilight
What types of evidence will you be implementing in your papers?
Recollections/Memories, Observations/Listening, Research/Texts
Is this sentence a thesis statement?
"When going to college and the gym, you will discover the different slang that is being said, the sayings that are being used, and the similarities in conversations and words that people are using."
This statement is an observation. Needs to be more argumentative.
How can you construct a strong piece of evidence?
-Support the claim by adding credibility
-Tells why the claim is credible
-Shows the reader by using descriptive details
Where is the analysis located?
-At the end of the paragraph
-After each piece of evidence with one final analysis in the end of the paragraph that connects all the ideas together
-An analysis could be its own paragraph.
"Communication can be vague, communication can be explicit, and communication can be misinterpreted."
What is a run-on sentence/comma splice?
What is the controlling idea?
The argumentative component within the claim that determines the position the writer is advocating for.
Is this a thesis statement?
"In fact, the anime community is so large, that it can be divided even further into smaller subgroups that discuss anime on a more niche level. These subcommunities each have their own particular focal point, along with their own lingo, references, and conversation styles."
This thesis statement sounds more like an observation. What is the argument?
Is this piece of evidence effective?
"In multiplayer everyone was allowed to communicate with each other, which included opposing players... It was also quite entertaining to me because I would listen to players argue and bicker with each other for the whole duration of the match. It was hilarious to me because people would just yell obscenities at teach other over and over again. But I can see why some people find the toxicity unbearable."
What would they "bicker" about? What is "entertaining?" What are "obscenities?" What do you mean by "toxicity?"
What is the analysis here?
One of the problems of toxic masculinity is that boys are swayed away from traditionally feminine activities and are forced to participate in “manly” forms of entertainment. This may breed feelings of inadequacy later in life. A great example of attempted correction is the day my uncles took away my book and tried to teach me and my cousin, Frank, how to ride a bike. Frank, being naturally coordinated, picked it up pretty quickly, while I ended up falling down over and over again. My uncles didn’t appreciate my inability to learn a skill that they thought was simple enough and essential to being a boy, so they yelled at me and made me practice falling over for awhile.
There is no analysis.
"Whether it's a sports game, action/adventure games, shooter games, racing games, role playing games."
What is a fragment?
What point of view is most problematic in academic writing?
Second person point of view
Is this a thesis statement?
"The abundance of acronyms or the complexity of certain medical phrases can lead to limitations and misunderstandings among doctors, technician or patients."
Lacks an argument! It reads more like an observation.
What can be said about this claim/topic sentence?
"Minecraft has significantly evolved, it was born from an idea that you were alone in a world that you can control and be creative with what comes to mind."
The claim is not clear in this sentence. Is there an argument being stated?
Where is the analysis?
Another reason I am not confident in writing is because I felt like I did not learn much in my high school English classes. For the most part, we would just watch movies in class. This made no sense because we wasted a lot of time not writing. Furthermore, when we did have to write, our essays covered books that were not interesting. Because of this, I saw writing as a chore, which made me think negatively about it. I wish we had spent more time in these classes learning how to write and writing about topics we were interested in.
Another reason I am not confident in writing is because I felt like I did not learn much in my high school English classes. For the most part, we would just watch movies in class. This made no sense because we wasted a lot of time not writing. Furthermore, when we did have to write, our essays covered books that were not interesting. Because of this, I saw writing as a chore, which made me think negatively about it. I wish we had spent more time in these classes learning how to write and writing about topics we were interested in.
It was a big loss when I found out Minecraft Lite was replaced by the actual Minecraft itself and I was really sad about it for a while and I had a phase where I would try to find ways to download it from different websites but of course, this process did not work. This proves that age doesn't matter when it comes to great things like this.
Vague pronouns. What is "this?"
Is this sentence a strong claim?
"Metal music includes tons of screaming, harsh lyrics, but that by itself does not define the way we talk as normal people."
What do you mean by "does not define the way?" And who is "we?" What is "normal people?"
Is this a strong thesis statement?
"In this essay, I will prove that while the book community is similar to fanfiction communities, fanfiction is distinctive from published books in that it is a positive queer space through it's discussion, media references, and tagging features."
Yes.
"Our phrases, abbreviations, and slang is what makes Gen Z unique. For example, 'slay', 'flop', 'bffr' are all things only Gen Z would understand. Our way of speaking, our language is what brings us together. It allows us to bond and communicate with those in the same language community. Not to mention, it's more convenient and fun, our terms of speaking are shortened and made into more amusing statements."
How do these phrases, abbreviations, and slang bring people in this language community together?
Where is the analysis(s)?
The presence of the invasive rhino beetle species on Guam poses a multifaceted issue for entomologists. Joe Aguon (2020) claims that the rhino beetle problem on Guam is due to the local government’s failure to cooperate with other island governments who have already implemented measures to eradicate the species in their nations (p. 75). He overlooks the fact that the rhino beetles on Guam are of an entirely different species from those on the other islands. Therefore, the virus that those islands used against the beetles cannot work here (Miller, 2018). While I agree that the local government is responsible to some degree for the continued decimation of our coconut trees, we need to reassess the popular assumption that they are not communicating with other experts in the region. Most local entomologists will tell you that, while they are communicating with other experts in the region, what they need is for one of those experts to come and do their work here (Moore, 2019). Considering their insight, my view is that the local government should have allocated funds years ago to bring in an expert who could create a new virus capable of combating our unique rhino beetle epidemic. Providing this funding will allow our local entomologists to move beyond “talk” with regional experts and actually take the action necessary to eradicate the species for good.
The presence of the invasive rhino beetle species on Guam poses a multifaceted issue for entomologists. Joe Aguon (2020) claims that the rhino beetle problem on Guam is due to the local government’s failure to cooperate with other island governments who have already implemented measures to eradicate the species in their nations (p. 75). He overlooks the fact that the rhino beetles on Guam are of an entirely different species from those on the other islands. Therefore, the virus that those islands used against the beetles cannot work here (Miller, 2018). While I agree that the local government is responsible to some degree for the continued decimation of our coconut trees, we need to reassess the popular assumption that they are not communicating with other experts in the region. Most local entomologists will tell you that, while they are communicating with other experts in the region, what they need is for one of those experts to come and do their work here (Moore, 2019). Considering their insight, my view is that the local government should have allocated funds years ago to bring in an expert who could create a new virus capable of combating our unique rhino beetle epidemic. Providing this funding will allow our local entomologists to move beyond “talk” with regional experts and actually take the action necessary to eradicate the species for good.
"Whether they are or aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community, for example, if you are a girl and you aren't sitting ladylike or have your feet up, you would often hear "umupo ka ng parang babae" which just means "sit like a girl." or hear "tomboy ka ba? Baba mo paa mo." (Are you a tomboy? Put your feet down."
Who is "you?"
Essay Prompt: Language Communities
Thesis Statement
"In this essay I will seek to answer the question: what are the tenets that drive the Catholic Church to discriminate against others based on their rights to their bodies and sexual orientation? I will also examine why they feel entitled to make these judgements when they also refuse to take responsibility for their wrongdoing."
Does this thesis statement examine language communities?