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To my opinion, advertising can be really successful in persuading people to buy things
In my opinion, advertising can be really successful in persuading people to buy things
Can politicians always be trusted? Or are they often more interested in their careers? Who can say?
Rhetorical questions are best avoided in academic writing, and three in a row is certainly unacceptable.
Generally to speak, advertising campaigns increase sales.
Generally speaking, advertising campaigns increase sales.
Beside needing a lot of looking after, pets can also be quite expensive to keep.
Besides needing a lot of looking after, pets can also be quite expensive to keep.
When there is so much terrible poverty in the world, it is incredibly unfair that some people live in idle luxury.
The language is too emotive (incredibly fair, etc.)
More and more and more people are travelling abroad for their holidays.
More and more people are travelling abroad for their holidays.
Talent is hardly never recognised at a very early age.
Talent is hardly ever (almost never) recognized at a very early age.
Tourism is a very big industry. In some ways this is good, but in other ways it's bad.
The language is too simple.
it's - it's a contraction, they are not acceptable in academic writing
For the whole, it is more enjoyable to watch a film in the cinema rather on television.
Despite of the cold, in winter my country is visited by a large number of tourists.
Despite the cold, in winter my country is visited by a large number of tourists.
In general, therefore, we can conclude that, on the whole, television usually has a positive effect, overall.
Redundant words (in general... on the whole, etc) and too many commas
There is nothing wrong with computer games except from the fact that, in a few cases, they can become addictive.
There is nothing wrong with computer games except for (apart from) the fact that, in a few cases, they can become addictive.
Some people watch several hours of television a day, in spite the fact that the quantity of the programmes is not high.
Some people watch several hours of television a day, despite the fact that the quantity of the programmes is not high.
Instead of using cars it is much, much better to use public transport, such as buses, trains, taxis, aeroplanes, ferries and so on.
The expressions "much, much better" and "so on" are too informal. The list of forms of public transport is redundant.
According to me, friendship is one of the most important things in life, and also one of the most difficult.
In my opinion, friendship is one of the most important things in life, and also one of the most difficult.