Name That Roadblock
Assuming you already know what another person is thinking or feeling without asking them.
What is Mind Reading?
Your friend says:
“I've been having such a hard week.”
You immediately respond:
“Okay, here's what you need to do…”
What is Advising?
Your friend texts:
“K.”
You immediately think:
“They're mad at me. I know they are.”
You never actually ask.
What is Mind Reading?
Someone keeps borrowing your things without asking. You want them to ask first.
Give an assertive response that clearly states:
THE PROBLEM + WHAT YOU WANT
“You've been borrowing my stuff without asking, and I need you to ask me first.”
You're telling your friend something important, but they keep looking at their phone and aren't really responding.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“I'm trying to tell you something important, but you're looking at your phone and I don't feel like you're listening. Can you put it away for a minute?”
Planning what you're going to say next instead of fully listening to the person who is speaking.
What is Rehearsing?
Your sibling says:
“It bothered me when you took my charger without asking.”
You respond:
“Oh PLEASE. You take my stuff all the time!”
What is Sparring?
Someone is explaining why they're upset with you. While they're still talking, you're thinking:
“Okay, when they're done, I'm going to tell them about what THEY did last week…”
What is Rehearsing?
Your friend keeps interrupting you while you're trying to tell them something important.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“I keep getting interrupted before I can finish what I'm saying. Can you let me finish and then respond?”
You've already told your friend you don't want to go somewhere. They keep asking and trying to convince you.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“I've already said I don't want to go, and you keep asking me. I need you to respect my answer.”
Listening only to certain parts of what someone says while tuning out the rest.
What is Filtering?
Someone tells you that you handled a situation poorly. Instead of considering what they're saying, you immediately start explaining all the reasons you were right.
What is Being Right?
Your parent gives you a five-minute explanation about trust, safety, and why they're concerned.
The only thing you remember is:
“You can't go out Saturday.”
What is Filtering?
You're doing most of the work on a group project and the other person isn't contributing.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“I've been doing most of the project by myself. I need us to split up what's left so we're both contributing.”
Someone keeps asking you about something personal after you've tried to avoid answering.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“You keep asking me about something I don't want to talk about. I need you to stop asking.”
Evaluating or criticizing the other person instead of focusing on what they're communicating.
What is Judging?
Your parent starts talking about your missing assignments.
You immediately say:
“Wait, did I tell you what happened at lunch today?”
What is Derailing?
Your friend says they're upset that they weren't invited somewhere.
You're thinking:
“This is so dramatic. They're always ridiculously sensitive.”
What is Judging?
Your friend keeps making jokes about you in front of other people. You don't find them funny.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“I know you're joking, but I don't like being joked about like that in front of everyone. I want you to stop.”
You're trying to explain why you're upset, but the other person keeps telling you that you're “overreacting.”
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“When you call me dramatic or say I'm overreacting, I don't feel like you're hearing what I'm saying. I want you to let me explain why I'm upset without labeling my reaction.”
Getting caught up in your own memories, thoughts, or fantasies while someone else is talking.
What is Daydreaming?
Your friend is upset with you. You don't really agree with them, but immediately say:
“Okay, you're right. Whatever you want. It's fine.”
What is Placating?
Your friend has been talking for a few minutes.
Suddenly you realize you've been thinking about what you're doing this weekend and have absolutely no idea what they just said.
What is Daydreaming?
Your friend frequently changes your plans at the last minute, and it's becoming frustrating.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“Our plans have been changing at the last minute a lot, and it's frustrating for me. If something changes, I want you to tell me earlier when you can.”
You told someone something personal and asked them not to share it. You find out they told another person anyway.
Clearly state the problem + what you want.
“I told you that privately and asked you not to share it, but you told someone else. If I tell you something is private, I need you to keep it between us.”