Antidotes
How do you avoid stonewalling?
Self-soothe, calm down, staying present
When a discussion becomes escalated for 30 or more minutes, what should you do to help resolve the conflict?
Take a time out, walk away
True or False: The purpose of a fight is to reach a solution?
True
Give an example of an I-statement
Great!
“You make me so mad!”
I feel mad when you ____
How do you avoid contempt?
Share admiration, respect, and appreciation; give compliments, focus on strengths
What is the purpose of utilizing I statements when in a disagreement?
You express your feelings without blaming or making the other person defensive
Give an example of criticism and explain why it is a harmful behavior to engage in.
It is harmful because the focus is on perceived personal flaws rather than changeable behaviors.
Name three behaviors that can be harmful in a romantic relationship
Blaming, ignoring, jealousy
You never listen to me!
I feel angry when you don't let me speak.
How do you avoid defensiveness?
Take responsibility, apologize
Why is it important to be respectful and to avoid making threats when in a disagreement?
They can create anxiety, and make the other person less confident in resolution. It will likely make the other person defensive
Is name calling against the fair fighting rules, and why?
Yes! It does not help the fight for a solution
Name three behaviors that strengthen a romantic relationship
supporting each others' goals, trusting, appreciating, compromising, working together, keeping promises, etc.
You’re too sensitive!
I feel (sad or emotion) when I hurt you with my words but don't mean to.
How do you avoid criticism?
Gentle startup, dealing with problems in a calm and gentle way
Explain why it is important not to raise your voice during an argument.
Yelling can be threatening and trigger and fight or flight response
Give an example of taking responsibility in an argument.
I shouldn't have raised my voice. I'm sorry.
How can understanding and implementing healthy boundaries strengthen a parental relationship?
Allows room for both parties wants and needs, creates safety and structure, can prevent unnecessary conflict, clarifies and resolves some issues.
You're such a $%^& not inviting me to your birthday party!
I feel hurt that you didn't invite me to your birthday party.
What are the consequences of stone walling?
Problems go unresolved and arguments may escalate
Why is it important to be specific and to avoid generalizing in an argument?
Vague complaints are difficult to solve. It is better to stick to specific examples.
Give an example of contempt and explain why it is a harmful behavior to engage in.
It is harmful because it will erode the confidence of the other person and often results in increased defensiveness or reactivity
Give an example of a boundary you have had to set in a relationship and how the other person responded.
I cannot be around substances right now. Please keep them out of the house and do not come around me while you are under the influence.
You are being so rude.
I feel uncomfortable when you raise your voice at me.