Communication
This communication style is marked by yelling, blaming, and criticism.
What is aggressive?
This family member tries to keep everyone calm and smooth over conflict.
Who is the Peacemaker?
This conflict style means ignoring the issue altogether.
What is avoiding?
Trust is rebuilt through these — not through promises.
What are patterns (or consistent actions over time)?
In recovery, codependency is often described as this kind of addiction.
What is a secondary addiction?
When difficult topics simply get ignored, the family is using this style.
What is avoidant?
The high-achieving "perfect" child who makes the family look okay from the outside.
Who is the Hero?
This style means meeting halfway — both sides give a little.
What is compromising?
This means taking responsibility without making excuses.
What is accountability?
These are the four mental loops — the "4 Ws" — of the codependent addict.
What are Waiting, Wondering, Wishing, and Worrying?
Indirect hostility — silent treatment, sarcasm, eye-rolling — falls under this style.
What is passive-aggressive?
This role uses humor and comic relief to deflect family tension.
Who is the Mascot?
The conflict style where both parties work together for a solution that meets everyone's needs.
What is collaborating?
This sounds like self-attack: "I'm a bad person" or "I ruined everything."
What is shame?
This thinking trap focuses on a partner's mood while filtering out your own recovery wins.
What is the Mental Filter?
This sentence stem — "I feel ___ when ___ because ___" — is the foundation of this rewrite tool.
What is an I-statement?
This role takes the blame and acts out, often pulling focus away from the addiction.
Who is the Scapegoat?
When a family quickly raises voices and intensity during disagreements, they are doing this.
What is escalating?
A meaningful version of this includes acknowledging harm, taking responsibility, expressing remorse, and changing behavior.
What is making amends?
This kind of boundary focuses on what YOU will do to stay okay — not on controlling the other person.
What is an internal boundary?
Listening, apologizing, showing affection, and problem-solving together are family communication strengths, along with respecting these.
What are boundaries?
This role disappears, withdraws, and tries to stay invisible to avoid family chaos.
Who is the Lost Child?
This pattern shows up when a family drags up unresolved issues from years past during a current argument.
What is holding grudges (or revisiting old issues)?
Forgiveness does NOT mean these three things.
What are forgetting, excusing behavior, and immediate trust?
"I would like ___ to ___, but I don't need them to do that for me to stay sober today." This is the name of that script.
What is the "I am okay regardless" script?