Quotable Residents
Potpurri
Chuck Norris or Dr Roberts or both
Staff Infection
Tern't up
100
"I am a connoisseur of meat sticks."
Vu
100
This resident has completed Navy Seals training and has given motivational speeches to numerous NFL teams.
Jason Valadao
100
He is the oldest and weakest of the two.
Who is Chuck Norris (76 years old)
100
This staff member is known for their trademarked catchphrase of "uh huh"
Dr. Shi
100
During high school this intern and a buddy attempted to kill a defenseless beaver using hand-made wooden spears. Defenseless beaver bested the two and left the buddy with a sweet "beaver bite scar". Presumably alcohol was involved.
Who is Aaron Perreault
200
I am a obstetric manual disimpaction expert!
Luke Womble
200
As a medical student, this resident walked into the exam room for the "genital/rectal" exam of a standardized patient to find someone who they had recently met on OK cupid and had gone on a first date with. Needless to say, there was not a second date.
Who is Kay James
200
Played college sports
Who is Dr. Roberts
200
This staff member writes my FITREPS and is an amazing doctor, teacher, leader, and Naval Officer. He inspires me to work harder and to improve my clinical skills just as he has inspired countless residents who have come before me.
Captain Jones
200
This intern spends his free time away from camp Pendleton with his LARP (Live action Role play) troop where he plays the part of "Voltar" the scurge of the barony of Galadrim.
Who is Ian Blackmon
300
On an overnight presentation to an attending, early in intern year this resident led with. - "The patient smells like feces". -Attending "how is that relevant?" -"I'm just trying to paint a picture for you sir" -Senior resident, "Maybe I should present to the attendings from now on"
Sweet Jimmy
300
During her surgical rotation as a med student she was asked to retract the patient's pannus and proceeded to lift up a male organ of a similar name.
Who is Caitlin Redman
300
This man is politically conservative and has raised five children.
Who is Chuck Norris.
300
This staff member routinely commits acts of violence against other participants of her favorite athletic past-time of roller derby?
Dr. Bayard
300
After performing a digital rectal exam in the ED, a patient asked this intern if he would at least take him out to dinner afterwards. His wife sitting at bedside was not amused.
Who is Luke Womble
400
During his first medicine rotation, this resident full of nerves after a particularly rough set of morning rounds responded to an inquiring attending "Yes Mom", before immediately realizing his Freudian slip.
Hamm
400
This resident's call sign was "Long Finger".
Who is Jamal Phillips
400
This man's tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried.
Both
400
This doctor rides dirt bikes on the weekends, routinely uses phrases like "ass bag", "shit paper" and is the only staff member that I'm absolutely positive could beat me in a fight.
Dr. Arnold (Gordon)
400
The "Todd" of NHCP
Seth Larson
500
This resident passed out during first post-partum hemorrhage during their first OB call. Was awoken in a chair with Captain Perry asking, "Are you alright, Skippy?"
Harris, Dave
500
This resident ended up in the ER during their ER rotation as a patient, after severing a flexor tendon making guacamole which they ate later that evening after being released, but then made self NPO at midnight in case of surgery the next day.
Lelani
500
This man sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, he roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Who is Chuck Norris
500
This staff member's spouse is a famous artist with their own Wikipedia page.
Dr. Ostmann
500
This intern saw his unblemished perfect circumcision run come to a bloody end on Christmas morning.
Trent Ainsworth
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