Styles of Communication
Hint at needs instead of openly stating wants & needs
Passive
Are you truly angry because the milk was left out?
Ask yourself what you are really angry about?
We cannot listen and talk at the same time
Stop talking
Most of us continue repeating unhelpful behaviors because we don't know its happening
Take a step back
Win-Lose
State wants and needs but infringe on the rights of others
Aggressive
You shouldn't be doing that can turn into you never listen to me
Focus on one issue at a time
Don't be on your phone when talking
Eliminate Distractions
If your goal is to win, blame, or convince
Be clear about intentions & goals for conversation
Low concern for themselves-low concerns for others
Lose-Lose
Seem passive and agreeable but lash out in subtle ways
Passive-Aggresive
Discuss the issue not the person, No put downs, or...
No degrading language
Give the other person enough time to talk
Be patient
Express strong feeling without blame
Use I statements
High concern for others, low concern for themselves
Lose-Win
Express wants and needs in ways that don't discount others
Assertive
Express feelings with words & take responsibility
I statements
Demonstrate interest in what is being said to you
Show you are willing to listen
Conflict isn't a contest and not always negative
Let go of myths about conflicts
Degree of concern for themselves as well as others
Use phrases such as "You make me mad! You never!"
Aggressive
When things get to heated & we are not using skills
Take a time out
When we are upset we may perceive things as bad
Control your temper
Note areas of agreement
Find common ground
High concern for self and others
Win-Win