Criticism
What is the definitiion of criticism?
What is this horseman involves attacking a partner’s character instead of focusing on their behavior?
What is the definition of defensiveness?
What is this horseman involves making excuses or shifting blame instead of accepting responsibility?
What is Contempt?
What is this horseman shows up through sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking to express disgust or superiority?
What is the definitioin of stonewalling?
What is this horseman occurs when someone emotionally withdraws, shuts down, or goes silent during conflict?
The Four Horsemen are negative communication patterns that can lead to this outcome if left unchecked.
What is relationship breakdown or ongoing conflict?
Your partner says, “You never help around the house.”
What is a better way to respond using an antidote skill?
What is responding with a Gentle Startup, such as: “I feel overwhelmed when chores pile up. Can we make a plan to divide them?”
True or False: Saying “I was only late because you didn’t remind me” is a defensive response.
What is True?
True or False: Saying “Wow, you’re so smart for once” is an example of the antidote to contempt.
What is False? (It’s contempt.)
True or False: Taking a short break to calm down before continuing a conversation is an example of stonewalling.
What is False? (That’s self-soothing.)
True or False: The antidotes are designed to replace destructive patterns with healthy communication habits.
What is True?
True or False: Saying “You always leave your stuff everywhere!” is an example of a gentle startup/ "I" Statement.
What is False?
Your partner says they felt hurt when you raised your voice. What would be a healthy, non-defensive way to respond?
What is taking responsibility, such as: “You’re right, I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I’m sorry?
You notice you’ve started feeling resentful toward your partner and find yourself making snide remarks.
How could you communicate your feelings in a healthier way to avoid contempt?
What is expressing your emotions directly and respectfully, such as: “I’ve been feeling unappreciated lately, and I’d like us to talk about how we can both feel more supported”?
You feel overwhelmed during an argument and find yourself shutting down.
What could you do instead to use the antidote?
What is take a break and practice self-soothing—like deep breathing or asking to pause the conversation briefly?
Which horseman is most likely to appear when someone feels personally attacked?
What is Defensiveness?
You feel like your partner hasn’t been doing their fair share of work in the home.
How would you bring this up using the antidote to criticism?
What is using a Gentle Startup/ "I" statement, like: “I feel stressed when chores build up—can we figure out a schedule together?”
You forgot to pay a bill, and your partner brings it up.
What is a defensive versus a responsible way to reply?
Defensive: “Well, you didn’t tell me it was due!”
Responsible: “You’re right, I missed it. I’ll make the payment today.”
You want to strengthen your relationship and counter contempt.
How can you express appreciation in everyday interactions?
What is recognizing your partner’s efforts, giving compliments, or showing affection regularly?
Your partner becomes quiet and avoids eye contact during a heated discussion.
What is one way you could support reconnection in that moment?
What is suggesting a calm pause and agreeing to resume the discussion after both people have cooled down?
You notice that arguments with your partner are becoming more frequent and harsh.
What could you both start practicing to reduce conflict?
What is using the antidotes—gentle startup/ "I" statements, take responsibility, share fondness, and self-soothe?
What other horsemen does criticism often trigger, because it makes the other person feel attacked?
What is defensiveness?
This antidote to defensiveness involves owning up to your mistakes and viewing feedback as an opportunity to grow.
What is Take Responsibility?
How does contempt in a relationship cause damage?
What is this horseman is considered damaging because it communicates disgust and erodes respect?
This antidote involves using relaxation techniques to manage emotional flooding and stay present in the conversation.
What is Self-Soothing?
Put the following in the correct horseman-antidote pairs:
Criticism → ?
Defensiveness → ?
Contempt → ?
Stonewalling → ?
What is:
Gentle Startup
Take Responsibility
Share Fondness and Admiration
Self-Soothing