DAD JOKES (or just good jokes im not sure why they are different)
IGLOOS IT
TOM RIPLEY - JASON BOURNE - WILL HUNTING
MATT DAMON
Your stare was holding
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going baby?
HEY I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY BUT HERES MY NUMBER CALL ME MAYBE
Etibar Elchyev ACHIEVED IMORTALITY BY SETTING THIS WORLD RECORD OF BALANCING 50 OF THIS SILVERWARE ON HIS BODY AT ONCE....... I THINK HE WAS JUST TRYING TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM EATING ALL THE ICE CREAM
SPOONS
DIS IS THE ELSA MACHINE, WE USE IT IN DA HOUSE CUZ COLD DOENT BOTHER US!
AIR CONDITIONER
WHATS ORANGE AND SOUNDS LIKE A PARROT?
A CARROT
BOBBY BOUCHER - NICKY - HAPPY GILMORE
ADAM SANDLER
You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
And I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
IN 2013 THE RECORD FOR THE MOST FRIED RICE EVER MADE WAS SET BY 6 CHINESE CHEFS, AT 3000 POUNDS..... IT FED 2.3333333 AS MANY PEOPLE, HOW MANY IS THAT.
7000 (6999.99)
THESE ARE THE KNIFE TWIN SISTERS, THEY ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER AND I MAKE PAPER SHAPES FOR CLASS WITH THEM, BUT IM NOT ALLOWED TO RUN WIT THEM MOMMY SAYS SO
SCISSORS
WHY WAS THE FOOTBALL COACH YELLING AT THE VENDING MACHINE?
HE WANTED HIS QUARTER BACK
GEORGE KIRK - AGENT H - THOR ODINSON
CHRIS HEMSWORTH
Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
ON JULY 28TH 2013 THIS GUINNESS WORLD RECORD WAS SET BY HAVING 1213 APPLY THIS AT THE SAME TIME, THEY MUST HAVE HAD THE SMOOTHEST CHEAKS AND ZERO BLACKHEADS AFTER THAT
FACIAL MASKS
DADDY SAID HE BOUGHT SUNLIGHT SO I DONT GET SCARED AT NIGHT, YOU CAN BUY SUNLIGHT AT THE STORE SO THE MONSTERS DONT SCARE YOU
NIGHT LIGHT
WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE IS SO GOOD AT THEY CAN DO IT WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED?
SLEEP
PT BARNUM - LEOPOLD MOUNTBATTEN - LOGAN
HUGH JACKMAN
HAPPY BIRTH DAY TO YOU.........
CHA CHA CHA
WITH 453 OF THESE, ROLF BUCHOLZ HAS THE RECORD, MEANING HE CAN ABSOLUTELY NEVER PASS THROUGH A METAL DETECTOR
PIERCINGS
THAT THING TAKES THE KETCHUP OFF MY PRINCESS DRESS WHEN I HAVE HOT DOGS
WASHING MACHINE
WHAT US STATE IS FAMOUS FOR ITS EXTRA SMALL SOFT DRINKS
MINNISODA (MINNESOTA)
MARGARET THATCHER - JULIA CHILD - MERANDA PRIESLEY
MERYL STREEP
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
A golden retriever named Charlie, owns the Guinness World Record FOR THIS. He registers in at 113.1 decibels. SUCH A GOOD BOI
BARK
NO IM NOT ELSA IM ARIEL WHEN IM IN THERE, THATS WHERE ME AND TATA PLAY MERMAID BUT IM NOT ALLOWED TO BREATHE UNDER WATER TATA SAYS
BATHTUB (SWIMMING POOL)