Communication
Styles
Styles
A friend expresses their feelings about canceling plans, but they don’t say anything. "It’s okay, I know you’re busy," (even though they feel disappointed and unimportant).
What is Passive Communication?
You’re hurt that your best friend forgot your birthday but don’t say anything.
"It’s fine, birthdays aren’t that important anyway…" (even though you feel sad).
What is..
"Hey, I wanted to share something that’s been on my mind. I felt hurt when my birthday passed, and I didn’t hear from you. I know you didn’t mean to upset me, but my birthday is important to me, and I would have really appreciated a message from you. I value our friendship, and I just wanted to be honest about how I feel."
You’re explaining something you’re passionate about to your friend and they ask a question you find to be obvious.
“You’re so stupid, how could you not understand this?”
What is...
"That's a great question, here's what I mean.."
Your roommate occasionally leaves dirty dishes in the sink. One evening, you come home to a clean kitchen.
“You finally did the dishes... I’m surprised!”
What is...
"Hey, I noticed you did the dishes—thank you! I really appreciate it."
A friend feels like they are always the one reaching out first and expresses their thoughts about it. "I’m always the one texting you first! Do you even care about this friendship?"
What is Aggressive Communication?
You want to spend more time with your friend but don’t speak up.
"I know you’re busy, so don’t worry about making plans with me."
What is..
"Hey, I know you have a lot going on, but I really miss spending time with you. Our friendship is important to me, and I’d love to make plans to hang out soon. Let me know when you’re available so we can set something up!"
You’re working on a group project with a friend and feel frustrated because they did not complete their assigned part by the deadline.
“You always mess everything up, I can’t count on you for anything.”
What is..
"Hey friend, I’m feeling frustrated because the deadline passed, and your part isn’t done. I was really counting on you to complete it. Can we figure out a plan to get it finished so we can stay on track?"
Your friend can tell something is off and asks: “Hey, did I do something wrong?”
“Oh no, everything is just perfect. I love being ignored.”
What is...
"I have been feeling a little ignored lately, and it’s been bothering me. I know you probably didn’t mean to make me feel that way, but I just wanted to be honest about how I’m feeling."
A friend expresses their feelings about the canceled plans with another friend. "I was really looking forward to seeing you, and I feel disappointed when plans keep getting canceled. Can we figure out a time that works for both of us?"
What is Assertive Communication?
You always let your friend pick what to do, even when you don’t like the choices.
"I don’t care, whatever you want is fine."
What is..
"Hey friend, I appreciate that you usually pick what we do, but I’d love to have a say too. There are some things I’d really enjoy, like [suggest an activity]. Let’s choose something together so we both have fun!"
You have a disagreement with a friend that gets heated and you’re unable to come to a solution in the moment.
“I’m done with you, don’t talk to me ever again.”
What is...
"I feel like we’re both really frustrated right now, and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. Let’s take a break and talk about this later when we’ve both had time to cool down."
Your friend is attending an event you are not..
“Wow, that party sounds like fun. Must be nice to be invited to things.”
What is..
"That sounds like a fun event - do you think I could come with?"
A friend expresses how they feel to their friend who forgot their birthday. "Oh, no big deal. I mean, it’s just my birthday—just another regular day, right?"
What is Passive-Aggressive?
You feel hurt that your friend keeps canceling plans but doesn’t say anything.
"No worries! Maybe next time." (Even though you feel unimportant.)
What is...
"Hey friend, I’ve noticed that our plans have been canceled a few times, and I have to be honest—it makes me feel unimportant. I understand that things come up, but I really value our time together. If something isn’t working for you, let me know, but I’d love to make plans that we can both commit to."
You’re at a party and someone starts talking to you about what their majoring in.
“Why are you talking about school at a party... that’s lame.”
What is...
"Cool! What are you interests outside of school?"
You text a friend "k" or "sure" when they text you because of hurt feelings from an unaddressed conflict.
what is..
"Hey friend, I appreciate you want to keep up conversations but I feel like we're brushing other things under the rug and I still feel uncomfortable. Can we address our conflict- when are you free to talk?
A friend expresses how they feel to their friend who always shows up late. "Wow, look who finally decided to show up! I was starting to think I got the time wrong… again."
What is Passive-Aggressive?
You get teased in a way that makes you uncomfortable but don’t speak up.
Laughs nervously "Haha, yeah, I guess that’s true…"
What is...
"I know you’re joking, but those comments actually make me uncomfortable. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tease me about that. I enjoy joking around, but I want to make sure it’s fun for both of us."
Your friend asks you to go to a party, but it’s not something you’re comfortable with.
“You’re such a buzzkill, why do you always ruin everything?”
What is...
"I appreciate you inviting me, but I'm just not comfortable going to that kind of party. I hope you understand. Maybe we can do something else or hang out another time? "
You post something on social media like "Funny how some people change when they don't need you anymore" for a specific friend.
What is..
Texting or calling them directly.