Definitions
Define: clique
An exclusive peer group
(Exclusive means leaving other people out, this can be on purpose or on accident)
Gossip vs. rumor
Gossip: personal information about someone else
Rumor: personal information passed between people that has NOT been proven true
Mind reading: you believe know what someone else is thinking based on behavior or facial expression
Give an example
Examples:
"Carlos and Dee were looking at me at recess. I know they were talking about me."
"Jill didn't smile at me when I passed by her desk, so she must be mad at me."
Your friend just made fun of your science fair project that you worked really hard on and you feel hurt.
What coping strategies can you use to get calm?
What could you say to your friend? (Hint: "I feel")
Possible coping strategies: deep breathing, 54321 technique, take a walk, get a drink of water
I felt hurt when you made fun of my project. I worked really hard on it. Can you please apologize?
List 3 things you can do when you hear gossip and rumors
1. Refute the rumor
2. Meet the negative with a positive
3. Say something kind to the victim
4. Get help from an adult
Define: intimidation
Purposefully trying to make someone feel uncomfortable or scared, often done with threats
Teasing vs. taunting
Teasing is lighthearted and fun, not hurtful, and intended to make the other person laugh
Taunting is embarrassing and mean, and purposefully hurts the other person's feelings
Predicting outcomes: assuming you already know what will happen
Give an example
Examples:
"I know my mom won't let me go to my friend's house, so I won't even ask."
"I know Gabby will say no if I ask her to hang out, so why bother."
You are playing with a soccer ball during recess and your classmate wants to use the ball for a different game. How could you resolve this conflict using a "win-win solution"?
Possible resolutions:
- Take turns with the ball (I get this recess, you get next recess)
- Try to find a different ball they can use
- Rock paper scissors
- Ask an adult for help
You are teasing someone (it is lighthearted and you are just trying to make them laugh). Is it possible that their feelings are hurt?
Yes! Some people are more sensitive than others, or maybe they are having a bad day.
Define: alliance
A relationship between two or more people with an intention to exclude or act aggressively toward another person
Friend group vs. clique
Friend groups are just groups of friends that spend time together, they speak to other people in the halls, allow other people to sit with them at lunch, and include outsiders in their group
Cliques are exclusive friend groups, they leave others out (sometimes this isn't even on purpose)
All or nothing: things can only be good or bad, if something doesn't go perfectly that means it was all bad
Give an example
Examples:
"If Betty doesn't play this game with me, she's not my friend anymore."
"Greg didn't play with me at recess, so we're not friends anymore."
Your close friend seemed like they were ignoring you during recess when you tried to talk to them. You feel hurt and worried by this and are wondering if you did something wrong. How would you resolve this conflict?
- Coping strategies (get calm first)
- Share or listen (example?)
- Take responsibility (what could you do better next time?)
- Brainstorm solutions
- Closure (forgive, acknowledge, thank)
Someone asks you to stop teasing them and you say "I was just kidding" or "it was just a joke." Does that make it okay? How should you respond?
"Just kidding" or saying it was "just a joke" don't make it okay. If you hurt their feelings, you should stop teasing them and apologize.
If it's confusing to you (you don't understand why they're upset), you should ask some polite questions to try and figure it out so that it doesn't happen again.
Define: conflict resolution
Conflict: a problem between people, like a disagreement or argument
Resolution: solving the problem
Together, it means working to solve a problem between people
Assertive vs. aggressive communication
Assertive communication: calm and confident, listen to what the other person has to say, standing up for yourself AND being kind at the same time
Aggressive communication: emotional, rude, insulting, all that matters is what you want
Overgeneralize: make a broad conclusion based on a single incident
Give an example
Examples:
"Andy didn't sit by me at lunch today, so I don't think we're friends anymore."
"Kelly didn't want to hang out with me after school. No one ever wants to hang out with me - I have NO friends."
You are working on your homework (due tomorrow) when your brother walks into the room and turns the TV to his favorite show. You start to feel distracted and aggravated by the noise, having a hard time focusing on your homework. Brainstorm two different ways to resolve this conflict.
- Let your brother use the TV and go to a different room. Have a conversation with him later to let him know how you felt. What can he do differently next time?
- Ask your brother to do something else for the next 30 minutes while you finish your homework.
What is an "I feel" statement?
Give an example
"I feel [emotion] when you [what did they do?]. Next time, can you [alternative suggestion]?"
"I feel sad when you tease me about my freckles. Can you stop making fun of my freckles?"
"I feel mad when you interrupt me in conversations. Next time, can you listen to what I have to say?"
Define: relational aggression
Behavior that is intended to harm someone by damaging their relationship with other people (examples: gossiping, spreading rumors, building an alliance against them, taunting them, excluding them socially)
Personal conflict vs. alliance-building
Personal conflict: a social conflict between just a few people
Alliance building: getting other people mad at a specific person on purpose because of something they did to you
Catastrophize: taking a problem and blowing it out of proportion, focusing on the worst possible outcome
Give an example
Examples:
"If I tell Danny that I don't want to play soccer at recess, he'll hate me forever."
"If no one wants to sit with me at lunch today, that means I'll be friendless forever."
Think about a time when you had a disagreement or conflict with someone else. What was the issue and how did you resolve it?
Act it out!
You have to act it out to get the points!
Broken record
Ask questions
Keep the door open
Call it like it is
Just say no